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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Angry wife posting again"
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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I get it. You’re journaling all of the little stuff because you’re honestly trying to get a gut check on whether it’s him or you who’s wrong. The situation is so out of control that you feel crazy. A few observations: 1) You note that your husband behaves differently at work and at home. That suggests this is within his control, which is not usually consistent with Autism spectrum disorder or ADHD. 2) Feeding someone a good they are allergic to is unacceptable, particularly if he has known about the allergy for a long time. 3) Not knowing to pay with plastic in a grocery store is a ridiculously implausible excuse. Here’s the part that isn’t observation but my judgements: When you feel this crazy and you don’t know who or what is causing it, gaslighting is a probable cause, particularly when you are involved in weird circular arguments. If you are outwardly raging, and your husband is sabotaging, you are in a mutually abusive cycle. That’s really hard to get out of when you both already feel emotions like contempt or disgust. Do not try couples counseling. Keep journaling the daily stuff and address it in individual counseling. You can’t change or control someone else, only your own reactions. No one’s perfect, and your actions may not be blameless, but you don’t deserve the grief you’ll get on DCUM. Find a supportive place like a therapist’s office or a IRL or virtual support group. [/quote]
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