Reply to Please, don’t take away a play date with my kid as a consequence

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I disagree.  Plus disappointment is apart of life.  It's unfortunate but may as well get your kid used to it now.  My daughter had a sleep over for her birthday and one of the moms cancelled due to her daughter's bad behavior.  Yes I was disappointed but I wasn't about to get upset over her properly parenting her child. Bad behavior does not deserve a reward. [/quote]

It genuinely surprises me how few people in this thread think this. I’m with you. If my kid is acting like a jerk, I will not regard them with outings and play dates. If that’s a bummer for your kid then that sucks but I’m responsible for raising MY kids. [/quote]

If a child cannot behave appropriately, that child should not be going on playdates.  Your child may have been disappointed to have plans altered at the last minute, but imagine how the outing could have been if the child was out of control.

I'm nearly 50, and I still remember childhood playdates gone amuck.

There was the daughter of one of my mom's friends who received no discipline stronger than being told "That's not nice".  Our moms would arrange playdates and the girl would hit me, bite me, put gum in my hair.  Once running away from her I tripped and fell on the corner of a coffee table, giving me a small  scar on my eyelid that I carry to this day.  I'm just grateful it didn't put my eye out.  If her mom had cancelled playdates for misbehavior, perhaps her behavior would have improved.  At the very least, I would have been spared significant trauma.

This is obviously an extreme example, but hardly the only one.  Kids are sometimes whiny, rude, destructive, violent, irresponsible, etc.  It's a parents job to teach their kids acceptable behavior to get along with others.  If a child is struggling with their behavior, cancelling a playdate serves a dual purpose.  It serves as a deterrent to the offender against future bad behavior and it spares others from being inflicted with that behavior.

I'm sorry your child was disappointed, but the other parent may well have done you and your child a huge favor.  Imagine if you'd had the playdate and the friend had bullied your child, or thrown a tantrum, or been destructive to their surroundings, or just generally behaved rudely and inappropriately in a way that spoiled your special day.  If the playdate had not been cancelled, the child's behavior might have made your special plans a miserable experience and spoiled their friendship.  With the playdate cancelled your child has the possibility of still having a good, if not optimal day, and can have another day of fun with his friend (who will have hopefully learned to behave in ways that would make him a good friend to your son).[/quote]

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