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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]*deep breath*

OP here, finally ready to return to this thread.

I don't think I mean it. I mean, I don't know. I can go from the lowest low to the highest high in a day. To those of you who commiserated, thank you. Especially those of you who told me that this is the worst part. You might be lying but it's what I need to hear.

FWIW, I love my kids more than I have ever loved anything. That's almost part of the problem right? They need so much of me and I cannot give them a drop less.

I could probably say a lot more about why it's hard but to no end. To those of you who said to suck it up, it wasn't kind but of course you're right. My kids hopefully will ever know that  they are the center of my universe.

To the rest of you, oh that I could be so perfect. Enjoy your life of zero doubt. [/quote]

Thanks for the update. I think you got a good variety of responses. For me (and I'm about to be in your shoes with Abby two coming anyway) I feel like the only thing I really disagree with the the "they need every drop of me". I don't think that's true or should be the gold standard. Sure little ones are needy but they need you to remain you and part of that is doing things apart from them and keeping some of the ore-kid identity too. Otherwise it's all about them and I personally don't believe that's healthy for anyone. I grew up an only child so it was easier for my parents but they also worked a lot and then immigrate FYI the US etc. I clearly remember the moment when I realized around 20 or so that they always picked their marriage and relationship as identities first with me a very very close second because otherwise they'd lose themselves in child rearing and chores etc. My need were definitely met and I never felt unloved or that they were not engaged in my life but they really did focus on being themselves and kind of folded me into it. Credit to them that I only realized it around 20 and we are close now (I'm nearly 40). I'm borrowing some of that in my attitude towards my child. She makes my life and my husbands life and our marriage richer and we make sure she has what she needs and love her and learn from her. But I am not only her mother, I take the experience as a mother and use it for other aspects of my life and other identities I have. Even now when she's still little and I have to be totally present when with her and get through all the whine and tantrums etc. some moments and days totally totally suck. But the big picture and my long view is that having children for me added to my life and not taken away. [/quote]

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