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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's what I would do. I would tell DH that you understand his struggle but that you can't subject your little one to the risk. So then you say you and DD will move out for a month or two to somewhere close by while DH lives with DSS alone. DH still gets to see DD regularly etc. I'd say this is for 4 or 8 weeks, but if DSS doesn't meet X criteria, you won't move back in. Maybe without other people there DH and DSS will do better anyhow.

It's a loving solution to a terrible problem. [/quote]

Bad idea. It would be much better for dad and son to move into an apartment together. Once the son is doing better the dad can move out and son can get s roommate.

If OP leaves her house, she’s never moving back in because the son is going to be the exact same in 2 months as today. The dad needs to move out and focus on his son until he sees that he can’t help him. He needs the apartment alone with his so with no one else to blame. He’s used to blaming his ex wife for everything going wrong with his son - if OP is living with them,  I guarantee everything will become her fault. The son and dad will keep living in this delusion fantasy world until the dad has no one left to blame.

OP, don’t move out. Tell your DH to get a 2bdrm with his son so he can give him his undivided attention and help him through the recovery. This is the only way to open his eyes about his son. [/quote]

This actually seems like the best idea [/quote]

Best might be to get DSS an efficiency. Subsidize it for a few months and tell DSS he has to get a job to start paying his own rent soon. Don’t continue this dynamic where DH enables DSS by providing room and board, whether it’s at your house or some new apartment.  DSS needs to understand that if he’s not in college, then he needs to support himself. If he has an underlying mental illness, then he may bounce from waiter job to barista job to something else-that’s OK.  If DSS doesn’t get a job, and gets evicted, that’s what needs to happen. It sounds harsh, but DSS is the only one who can choose treatment and sobriety. DH can’t do anything to choose these things for DSS. In most cases, if he gets a Vic to, he goes to live with a friend for a couple weeks, gets tired of that, and starts thinking about turning his life around. But DSS is never going to make these choices if DH keeps enabling him, by living with him wherever. [/quote]

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