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[quote=Anonymous]DSS definitely sounds addicted, and yes, you can get addicted to weed. AlAnon and various books have some important lessons for you guys.

Make DH attend some AlAnon sessions (for the families of addicts). There are some in this area that are aimed at parents of addicts. There aren’t many NarcAnons around here, but AlAnon will give you the same support and learning. Get some books about addiction.

What DH (and maybe you) will learn at AlAnon and from books is that the consensus is that you can’t love someone out of addiction—you have to disengage lovingly until the addict is forced by worsening circumstances to choose sobriety. Even the new wave of books that tell you to basically love them into sobriety admit, somewhere in the text, that the majority of recoveries come when addicts are forced by circumstances to stop or go into treatment.

Otherwise, by inviting DSS into your home, you’re just enabling him. This 20-year-old needs a job. If you give him a roof and hot meals, he’ll never want to change, get sober, or get a job. Who would?

You don’t want DSS’ outbursts around the younger child.

So get DSS an efficiency near metro, but nothing too pricey. Pay for a few months, with the understanding that DSS will get a job to take over the rent soon. Send Peapod or Onstacart over with food. Whatever you do, don’t give him cash—he’ll spend it on weed, not on broccoli. Make sure he knows you mean it. Let him know he’ll be on the street if he doesn’t get a job to pay his rent.

Make sure your DH is on board with all of this. And he’ll probavly get on board once he understands you’re dealing with addiction, and hears from AlAnon and others what does and doesn’t work. [/quote]

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