Reply to How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "How to explain to MIL why she doesn’t get to visit as much as my my mom does"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, this time is about you, DH and your baby.  And what you are comfortable with as a new mother.  It isn't a time to worry about a negative, emotional draining family member, even if she happens to be a grandmother.  You can't change your MIL - she got to raise her family her own way and she is who she is.

If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have spent those precious years when DC was younger trying to figure out how to make MIL happy.  Nothing was ever enough and it was EXHAUSTING.  Looking back, the conversation revolved around MIL's feelings and what she felt entitled to.  It was never about DH and me as new parents, how we were doing and what kind of support we actually needed.

I hope things get better for you.

[/quote]

+1
Young kids are physically demanding. [b]Women are expected to do everything [/b]- do not add guests who are unhelpful and critical. If MIL wants more time, the husband should  arrange for his mother to visit and squash the comments. [/quote]

+1, totally agree[/quote]

Do you even see the irony in this statement?

MIL, also a WOMAN, is being *expected* to come and do heavy lifting for OP, who is doing very little heavy lifting compared to many other families. Rather than take responsibility for her own family, [b]she is limiting access [/b]based on who is going to do the most work for her. OMG - her MIL is severely obese, and therefore not physically able to do as much manual labour as her own mother.

[b]I’d feel more sympathetic for OP if she didn’t have so much help otherwise,[/b] but she’s basically comparing workloads and allowing access to the grandchildren based on that.

OP is looking at this through a biased lens, not least of all leaning in one direction, as her MIL is obese. MIL is coming and doing what she is capable of doing, and the net worth of that is not zero. [/quote]
1) This is nuts. They see MIL every other month for a weekend. That’s not limiting access. It’s actually quite frequent. 
2) You sound bitter about the fact that OP has help. Who cares? 
[/quote]

Yes, they see MIL a lot. That's hardly "limiting." But I'm going to have over people who are helpful and genuinely want to help. It sounds like OP's mom does that. And you sound surprisingly bitter over a stranger's good fortune in that regard. [/quote]

Sorry was responding to the PP, not you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics