Reply to How to get over wedding chip on my shoulder?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you sound like you’re a people pleaser.  You bent over backwards to give others a wedding experience like no other, hoping others would reciprocate for you in kind.  It doesn’t work that way.  People certainly enjoyed your wedding, but they respect their own financial and social limits.  It’s not that they don’t love you enough, it’s because spending or doing more for you would hurt them or their families and they just aren’t willing to go quite that far.  Younger people may just not know because they haven’t had enough life experience and they probably just don’t have the fianancial means.

Google “people pleasing,”  and read the book “Boundaries” by Henry Cloud for some insight.

It would have been wiser to have a more modest wedding and spend some of that $45K on the things you needed for yourselves imstead.  But since you did it once, you know you can buckle down and save when necessary.  You should be proud of yourselves for that.  Mom taking credit publicly does not diminsh your skills and ability there.  You know you can and that’s all that matters.

No one cares that deeply about who paid for your wedding 10 years ago.  Do you really care who paid for Aunt Larla’s wedding 38 years ago?  Have you lost any sleep over that detail of her life?  Would her telling you she paid for it, or her parents paid for it really matter to you?  Now put your name in place of “Aunt Larla,” and that’s how others feel when your mom talks.

If you really don’t get any of this, therapy would help.[/quote]

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