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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are discounting several important factors:

- the trauma caused to your son by divorcing your DH. look up any of the research on this 
- you say he’s a good dad.  This is invaluable and means more than money.  The most important thing your child needs is two loving parents. Divorcing  will create upheaval, stress, and undermine your DH’s ability to be a good dad. Study after study show importance of having a strong father figure. This DOES NOT mean money maker.  You are lucky your son has a good dad. 
- you think your life will be better after a divorce. Because you think a ton of men are clamoring after a 50 year old woman with a SN child  and baggage from her previous marriage? 
- lastly , I just don’t get it. Your post treats your DH as if his sole function is income generation. Do you even like him? I just don’t get it. If my DH was a super low income earner I’d still love him and stick by him. The world doesn’t owe you a millionaire  [/quote]

I agree with some, but not all of this.  It's unclear whether the DH is pulling his weight at home.  She mentioned that he disappears but it's not clear whether he's handling say, at least 40% of the parenting.  Maybe he is though, maybe during his time when he's not working he's taking care of all the specialist appointments.  Teachers have notoriously inflexible schedules so someone must be handling these appointments and presumably OP couldn't take time off to handle all of them.

Regardless of income generation, there's something wrong with not having paid off his loans by now particularly since he's had them for at least 20 years.  He also should have some savings / retirement.  But, then again, OP said they have separate finances so maybe she doesn't share any of the marital pot with him and maybe he contributes financially pro rata to the common expenses and spends what he has left which probably isn't that much if he's only making $50K per year.[/quote]

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