Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly, OP, just don't.  Really, if you don't like the idea of being a stepmom, it's unfair to the kids to be one.  They have no control over this and you do.  "Blending" a family (or suffering through one that hasn't really blended) is extremely difficult.  Having someone around who doesn't really want that lifestyle just makes it more difficult for the people who are stuck with it.

You can try to live separately, but the children will still be an enormous part of his life and will necessarily affect your life even if you don't live with or spend time with them very much.  And it is forever.  Yes, children grow up and usually they move out, but sometimes they move back in.  Sometimes they have their own children and then you're a step-grandmother.  You will never, ever be done compromising and accommodating and scheduling things around his ex.  Even if everyone is on their best behavior, it's logistically difficult.

Date someone else.[/quote]

And as they grow, there are going to be tons of events that fall on "your time" - if you are not in 100%, how are you going to feel about going to the softball championship, followed by him being gone for the daddy- daughter dinner dance, etc....This is not going to be neatly split into nice chunks of time as it is now....[/quote]

This.  Travel sports, OP!!  His, and therefore your, schedule will be at the mercy of their activities.

I am a child of divorce, and both of my parents are remarried to people who also have adult children.  Holiday scheduling requires a massive spreadsheet that takes into account the needs and preferences of ten adults and sixteen children.  It is very, very complicated and nobody gets all or even most of what they want.  When a new adult comes in to the system and thinks he or she deserves more consideration or control than anyone else, a lot of widespread anger and resentment tends to occur.  Blended families with adult children are really complicated and you will never, ever be free from the responsibility to compromise with his children, their spouses and his ex who is of course their mother.  Do NOT marry in if this is not something you actively desire.
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