Reply to Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms

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Reply to "Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I will not regret cutting my mother off.  The last thing she said to me was that it was my daughter's fault that she was molested by my mother's boyfriend because she came on to him.  My daughter was 7 when he started.  My mother went back to him when he got out of jail.

"Deeply flawed" doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of her narcissism.  She was abusive to me all of my life except for the stretches where I refused to talk to her.  I reopened communications 3 times in my life but I will not do it again.

She 'doesn't understand what she did wrong', and of course I am a sociopath for cutting her off, and my daughter is a sociopath for lying about her abuse.

If I had followed my instincts and never started talking to her again, my daughter might have been spared.

You sanctimonious 'children are just so mean to their parents and should forgive them' types can stuff it.[/quote]

I don't think that anyone would argue that the mother shouldn't be cut off in the scenario that happened to your daughter. I am sorry that happened to your family.  But the case the author discusses is far different.  Supportive parent, no signs of abuse, just a sudden estrangement that no one is willing to articulate.  [/quote]

I'm the pp that you think needs therapy that loathes you.

If I estranged my mom she would say exactly what that lady said. Because she is a combination of a liar and mentally ill in that she can remember events in an entirely different way than they happened.

She spent my childhood trying to turn me against my father (divorced). She has hated every single close friend and boyfriend I've ever had. She called my husband the devil once. She tries consistently to buy her way to my approval or, more insidiously, to purchase things for me she thinks I 'should' have to live the way she thinks is right. For example if I show up after work looking less than fashionable she will take me on a shopping trip to spice up my wardrobe. But it's really so she controls what I look like. I don't let that happen anymore but it was a frequent habit in my younger years when I didnt know how to say no and was less aware of the strings attached with any gift.

She criticizes me constantly. She never asks about me or my life and doesnt care about it. She has never been to a single place I've lived since I left her house. She is totally obsessed with herself and how people perceive her and literally nothing else matters. She would say we were so close and I left her behind. But if you asked her what my job was or what movie I'd seen last or what I'm proud of recently or who my closest friends are she would likely have no idea.

I allow her to maintain a perception of pur closeness because telling her she only asks about herself just results in an hour long conversation about that hurt her feelings.

I've spent my entire life attuned to her moods so I can dodge her if she's feeling vicious, comfort her if she's sad, listen to her if she's happy. It's all about her. Now I have children. I love them more than I fear her and I will protect them.[/quote]

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