Reply to How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can I just say one thing to you, OP?

You effing rock.

This is what putting your kids first in divorce looks like.

Signed,

Child  of divorced parents who both remarried and made new families. It just gets really really old. It’s not the divorce that’s the problem, it’s the dynamics of the new families and how complicated they become.

It’s totally understandable to want sex, companionship, and love again. I don’t see why everyone feels to need to involve their children in all that. Focus on your kids. When your kids aren’t around, do whatever the heck you want![/quote]

Because families, even unconventional ones, are by definition, holistic entities.

If you bring an additional person into the family dynamic, you can't just pretend that person doesn't exist.   Isolating the new person from the rest of your family--restricting access--has an impact on the entire family unit, which can be very negative.  Let's put it this way:  If you are dating someone, even casually, who you do  not think is fit to meet your children--again  assuming this has been going on at least a few months and you have gotten to know the person reasonably well--why would you continue to date that person at all?

After the initial getting to know you period, you have to make a decision whether you are going to continue the relationship or drop the person, as you are just wasting time if you don't.  If the person isn't even good enough to meet your children, let's say after six months of dating, then that person can't possibly be good enough to keep dating you.

If your teenage child was dating someone for a few months but deliberately took steps to isolate that person from you, deliberately refused you any interaction with that person, wouldn't you think something was very very wrong?

I would.

Instead of thinking of other people simply as vehicles for satisfying our own perceived wants and needs, it's probably healthier all the way around to view them as equal human beings.  If I was even casually dating a woman, and it lasted a few months, and there was an intention for it to go forward, even casually, and she didn't view me as "good enough" to even casually meet her children, then I would either be offended by that and dump her, or I would accept it but understand that something was wrong with her that couldn't be fixed, and bide my time until a better option came along.[/quote]

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