Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Am I the only one who doesn't see the big deal that dad denied the affair? Most of you made it sound like that's a bigger crime than the affair itself. I think the affair hurt the daughter way more than the denial.[/quote]

That was my thought as I read the post as well.  Also, if the accusation was sprung on him I could see a reflexive denial as a way of getting some time to figure out how he is going to address the issue.  I mean, I guess arguably if one was going to cheat one would think through some of the permutations of how you would address it if you were caught but he probably didn't think his DD would be the one to catch him.  Finally[b], I can see different ways of denying something ("Well, it's not really like that..." or "I think you're misunderstanding what's going on...") that are more innocuous than saying "You're a freakin liar."
[/b][/quote]

I don't mean this snarkily, PP, but do you have teenagers?

A teenager is going to hear "Well, it's not really like that" or "I think you're misunderstanding..." as nothing except: "You're a freaking liar."

What adults say and what teenagers hear in their heads and hearts can be very different. The DD is the one who caught him cheating. I figure that also means the DD is the one who told mom (OP) -- or whose discovery prompted DH to have to tell mom. This teen DD is in a horrible position as both the discoverer and probably the bearer of life-changing tidings to her mom and sister. Add all that to the idea of dad saying ANYTHING to her other than "Yes, you're right and I am abjectly wrong," and she is going to hear only one thing from any form of "innocuous" denial by him: "You're a freaking liar."

There is no such thing as an "innocuous" denial when it comes to cheating or when it comes to a teenager's way of hearing.

Saying there is such a thing is kind of giving the DH an "out" as regards how he reacted to his DD when she confronted him. Nope. He gets no break like that. In this case what matters is what DD thinks she heard, not what he actually said. Most of the time it's the other way around but not here.

That's why I wondered if you have teens because you would know this how they would think in this situation if they gave even half a damn and clearly the OP's DD gives that and more.[/quote]

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