Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would NOT reconcile in this situation. You, not DH, are the one betraying your promise to your kids here.  No way.  [/quote]

Op can reconcile if offended daughter is comfortable with the reconciliations. PPs suggested that it was too heavy of a burden to put on a teenager. The teenager need not be told, but OP can watch her interactions with her dad and figure out when the relaitonship between them is repaired.

If she reconciles with DH while daughter is still angry, I agree that both of them would have broken her daughter's trust.  DH has to work on getting his daughters forgiveness before he can be a full member of the family.[/quote]

And by "full member", I mean everyone under one roof with no option for DD to be elsewhere(as would be the case if there were two homes). He will always be her father so he will always be a full member in that sense.[/quote]

DP. But dad can work on regaining DDs' trust from outside the home.

OP, ask the therapist (you mentioned there is one) about dad moving out for a while so both DDs can cool off and settle. Do what the therapist recommends. Angry DD may find each day a fresh reopening of the wound if she is under the same roof with dad right now. Dad needs to commit intensely to being faithful and involved every day as you all agree (driving DDs places of that was a role of his, participating in school stuff if they want him to etc.). He should be doing therapy with you and frankly demonstrating daily that he is working to get your trust back. [/quote]

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