Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom did this to me

She was too weak to leave. My dad always blamed me for telling her and we never had a good relationship. [b]I was uncomfortable in my own home, with my own parents for years. [/b]

They finally divorced and my mom and I are fine now.

[/quote]

Op, I woiuldn't let him in until my older daughter who caught him agreed to letting him back home. She will be uncomfortable in that house. It will never feel like home until she can forgive her father.

[/quote]

I think that’s too big a decision to put on a teenager. It sounds good in theory but it puts the burden on her shoulders which is inappropriate.

OP should decide on a set amount of time for her DH to live outside the home. 3 months, 6 months, whatever you can handle. That’s your gift to your daughters. They get that time to regroup and heal. They don’t have to spend all day everyday dealing with their father’s mistakes. After that break, do what you want OP - divorce him, stay married, whatever - but at least give your children time to process what just happened AND time to regroup. [/quote]

Can he date while separated just in case she decides to divorce? That way it's not like some big family Scarlett letter which is not sustainable. Both parents have to really want to be together not just guilted and shamed into it. If the husband picks the wife over his dates even the daughters will respect it more deep inside.[/quote]

This reply is jaw-droppingly naive. Or maybe jaw-droppingly cruel. Please say you're joking.

Do you really seriously mean that you think dad should date around so he can say definitively, "I've dated while you've been debating saving our marriage and guess what?! I still freely choose you even after test-driving other women! Let's stay together!"

Yours may be the most insane reply I've ever seen on DCUM. The DH needs the guilt and shame you seem to think he should be allowed to avoid by freaking dating while MARRIED. And the OP in your scenario is supposed to be--what? Happily and humbly grateful if he "picks her over his dates"?

You can't possibly have teen daughters yourself if you think your idea wil make them "respect [him] more deep inside" because he got to screw around and picked mom.

I. Can't. Even. [/quote]

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