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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want to start out by saying I am NOT a troll, because I know someone is going to accuse me of being one.  But I have a 14 year old daughter who is attractive (but not intimidatingly so) that is very upset because as far as she is aware, no boys like her.  She is at an age where a lot of her friends are coupling up, and she hears boys talking about liking other girls she is friends with and is upset that "no one likes her"  I try to comfort her of course and tell her that she is young and will meet someone eventually, and that there are probably boys who do like her, but are too shy to say anything, but I have to admit, I also wonder why she is not getting any obvious attention from boys.  I have a daughter in 7th grade who often hears about boys who have crushes on her, so I'm not really sure what to think, much less say to my older daughter about why she doesn't get the same attention. [/quote]

[b]Perhaps ask your DD if she is upset that "boys don't seem to pay attention to her" or if she really wants a boyfriend?[/b] These are really two different discussions - one is about craving validation, the other is about the responsibilities of dating/relationships. I have this conversation from her perspective as a listening ear vs. a lecture. It's easy for parents to be dismissive because we do know there is all the time in the world. That' a fast way to have a kid shut down and assume that we don't understand what they are experiencing. [/quote]

Thanks for taking the time to write this. This is a great response!

I don't know if she really wants a boyfriend, but she is bothered that there doesn't appear to be any boys interested in her, because she thinks she might not be very pretty. -([/quote]

To be honest, OP, this is one of those things that requires honest conversation to dispell the myth that all that is required for someone to find you attractive is "to be very pretty"...because, as you know just by virtue of being an adult, that is just not true. Pretty girls can be pretty AND awkward. Or Pretty AND too narcissistic. Or pretty AND too shy/quiet/nerdy. Or pretty AND intimidating. Or Pretty and have RBF (Resting B*tch Face) that scares away boys or turns them off b/c you aren't FUN to be around.
And guess what...your DD may be thinking that only the girls who receive attention from boys are deemed "pretty" enough for that. But between the two of you, you can challenge that notion by pointing out that there are surely girls in her sphere who have "big personalities" that are fun and cheerful or witty and flirty, etc. etc. that attracts people to them (boys and girls alike!) moreso than the way they look alone! Sure, it doesn't usually hurt to be physically attractive. But that is only one factor, and if a girl isn't completely objectively unattractive (and I think your daughter--or at least you--would know if that were the case) then you have to assume that what is preventing her from being the object of someone's affection (at least openly) is the way she presents herself as open to that. Is she insecure? Is she standoffish? Does she engage in conversation? Is she boring? Interesting? Does she make eye contact and laugh at jokes or contribute to humor of the group in any way? Or is she just...there? Blending into the background?
At 14, this isn't important to figure out for right this minute. But it's a conversation worth having because it may influence how her future dating life will go when it's actually time for that. Most of all, you need to help her see that boys (in the generic sense) are just as complicated as girls...and they aren't sooo one dimensional as to have only one criteria for finding a girl attractive. [/quote][/quote]

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