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[quote=Anonymous]I was a perfect teenager.  Got great grades and played the piano for 4 hours a day.  Won competitions.  Never had a boyfriend.  Got awards at school.  Went to a great college.  And I mostly performed for my controlling parents and behaved because they terrified me.  They made it very clear that they would disown us and put us out on the street if we didn't meet their expectations.  Never had a car, practically never drove anywhere. Worked in the family business. They used to threaten that they would give us to social services and we would become wards of the state if we didn't meet their expectations.

And here's the thing.  I had zero coping skills as an adult.  I kind of knew how to study but didn't know how to do anything else.  Didn't have the social skills to date, had never gone out of town by myself, had to deal with something like a speeding ticket, an auto accident.

I got married really late mostly because I did my growing up in my twenties.  Learned how to manage my money, make my own decisions.  My mother picked out the clothes I took to college.  I didn't even have a favorite color because they were so controlling!

I"m actually happy that my teens are getting into trouble!  That they occasionally stay out too late, that we gave them cars and we don't track their phones though they have a curfew, that they have had messy dating relationships, occasionally get B's, etc.

I read somewhere that in the long run B students actually make more money than A students, mostly becuase the B students are more worldly and have better people skills.  I feel like my kids are a lot more mature and savvy than I ever was.  Treating your young adults like children doesn't actually help them in the long run.[/quote]

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