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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some are more difficult than others.

Our first, who is in her first year of college, knew the rules and respected them.  We had zero push-back from her.  If we said be home by 1 AM, she was always home by then and never pushed to be out later or did the endless loop of "why?  why?  why?"

Our second, who is almost 17, is still a good kid and respects the rules, but is now more apt to pushing them.  Our rule is that he can Uber, but he has to contact one of us to order the Uber so we can have the driver's info. and see the route.  He was grounded last week because we found out that he bought an Uber giftcard that he was using. [b] "I don't understand why I'm being punished for being a responsible adult who used his own money to buy something!"  [/b]

Our third, who is almost 16, could sell a lifetime supply of condoms to a nun.  He's suave, he's a talker and a charmer, and he uses all of those traits to trick you if you're not paying attention and listening for subtext.  Example, he signed into an old iPod touch and left it with a friend so that when he was tracked via Find my iPhone, it showed him there and not in DC.  He would have gotten away with it if his friend hadn't tagged him in a photo on Instagram.  He's the first kid we've had to specify, "you cannot leave the state" when giving him permission to go hang out with friends.  Not once but twice the past summer either his mother or I texted to see if he was eating dinner at home that night only to discover he was in a completely different state (once they drove to Ocean City, MD for the day because they wanted to go to the beach and the other time they drove to Philly to satisfy a cheese steak craving).

I agree with the second kid.  You sound very controlling!  Why do you need to know the route?

Our fourth is just entering the tween years and has so far been pleasant.  Much like the first in terms of attitude toward the rules, but only time will tell.   
  [/quote][/quote]

How does a kid get all the way to Ocean City without you knowing.  Maybe you should spend a bit more time focusing on your kids instead of relaxed parenting.  If you kids are doing this much behind your back, then you need to pay more attention.  Kids shouldn't be taking Uber.  You drive them or they get their license.  [/quote]

Clearly you d9nt have experience with that many teenagers.
[/quote]

I have a lot of experience which is why I trust and verify.  Ocean City is not exactly like going to the mall.[/quote]

If your kids say they’re hanging out all day with other friends, how do you verify  that they didn’t go to the beach? It’s less than three hours away, and they could totally make a day trip out of it. Other than requiring them to see you face to face every 2 hours, how do you know they’re not sneaking off on day trips once in a while?

Besides, I thought almost everyone did that at some point as a kid. [/quote]

During the school day you can go online and check attendance.  I expect mine to work, sports or do something during the summer and yes, you check and make sure they are there at times.  You use a tracker on the phone and pay attention to money/your car (tracker on car), etc.  Yes, you check on your kid every few hours.

We didn't do any of that as teens.  My parents would have killed us and we had to check in.  If we wanted to do something, depending on what it was, it wasn't an issue but they had to know where we were, when we'd be home and call if we were late.

If you don't know, you are a pretty checked out parent.[/quote]

Although you are obnoxious, I will answer your “why aren’t you monitoring all the time” question anyway.  Somehow you have to go from your cherubic five year old through the tweens and teens and arrive at responsible adulthood. You get there by slowly letting go. Which means, you d9nt treat your kid like a convict or a parolee. You slowly back away.  And, some kids do things like cut school or go to the beach. Hopefully, while abusing their freedom they still maintain enough good sense and don’t really get hurt.  But you have to get from holding hands to cross the road to moving out somehow.  That means stepping back.  Otherwise, they go to college with no sense whatsoever and fail to  launch, as they say.

We were asked here what is hard about parenting teens. Finding the balance, and letting them go.[/quote]

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