Reply to S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?

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Reply to "S/O what do you gain from maintaining a a friendship with a man whose wife hates you?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok Gone Girl
Enjoy your trainwreck[/quote]

You realize Gone Girl is about a batshit wife, right?[/quote]
Yes I do but you have it covered so well. So just Bat shit crazy “friend”[/quote]

I’m not the one flipping my shit on DCUM about someone else’s platonic relationship.[/quote]

NP here. No but you are on DCUM flipping your shit about someone else’s marriage and [b]frankly you don’t understand rank. The wife comes first. [/b]

Besides, she might know something you don’t like she overheard him telling a guy friend about your butt or boobs or how he used to want to date you. Or he cheated on her and he’s never told you because he wants to sleep with you next. You just don’t know. Whatever it is, give his wife some respect and stop pushing her buttons. Besides, if she is an insecure bat-shit person why do you care? He’s a grown man, he married her. Walk away. [/quote]

Rank? Seriously?

If the wife came first, then her husband would bow out. She doesn’t “rank” over me in life. If he wants her to lord over him, that’s his choice. He has the option to call end the friendship.

My marriage is equal, and my friends are equal, but on a different plane. It’s so weird to discuss rank. [/quote]

Yeah, I agree with the pp who said that you don't understand rank.  In your mind, friends and spouses rank the same but that is not true for most people.  We love our friends and we care about them but we are committed to our spouses and we actually do answer to our spouses.  Friends just don't have the same level of skin in the game.  Not even close.[/quote]

Okay then, great rank guru... please explain to me how his wife should rank over me in my own life?

I mean, my brother is in the military and outranks me There, but he still has to help with the dishes when he visits and I make dinner. BecUse his rank means FA to me in terms of our relationship. Just like the “ranks” of my friend’s spouses mean nothing to me. That’s their relationship to negotiate. [/quote]

DP I feel like you guys are arguing about semantics.

I think its like...its the zombie apocalypse and it just broke out in your city. Who are you going to find before you flee? For me? First my spouse and kids, then my parents and siblings. I'm probably not going to hold off on the escape to find a friend, maybe a couple really special ones.

There are just tiers of people who are important to you. Its weird that you don't kind of intuitively know what they mean.

THAT SAID. I agree completely that the idea that a wife 'outranks' friends and therefore has the power to order a spouse to end a platonic relationship is ludicrous. Practically speaking if a friendship is eroding a marriage than the person in the friendship should consider ending it. But if a spouse is ordering a spouse to end a relationship because of jealousy then they are poisoning the marriage all by themselves and I don't think that bodes well for the future.

A normal, sane spouse either has very very good reasons for disliking a friend enough to ask their spouse to end the relationship or they are willing to tolerate a person they don't like very much if that person brings their spouse a lot of happiness. [/quote]

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