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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't have feelings about other moms' work/care situations until we get to the part of the conversation that goes:

[b]"Yeah, I felt it was really important to be there to raise my own child."[/b]

What am I supposed to do with that? It's not even about SAH vs WOH, it's about a high level of social cluelessness. Now that my child's older and goes to an urban public charter, the comment is "well, you know, we couldn't stay in the city because we needed a good school for Mortimer." [/quote]

The problem is that even if a sahm doesn't come right out and say this, which I would hope most wouldn't.  Truth is most of us share that sentiment. Working moms know this and of course the defensiveness is going to be there. [/quote]

True.  Most of DCUM SAHMs I know have the following in common -

1) High HHI - They quit their high paying jobs only because their DHs were in even more higher paying jobs that raked in much money. They do not have to worry about the basics & they do not have to worry about the luxuries.

2) Wanted more than basic care for kids - they want more than what the daycares can provide and more than what the nannies can provide. Time spent with their kids, sense of security that comes from being with a parent at home, not being woken up and bundled off to daycare, not being exposed to the continuous string of contagious string of "daycare bugs", not fretting when there is a snow day, having them spend time and interact with a mom-dad that are highly educated, being able to experience all the learning opportunities that this area has to offer - museums, parks, trails etc.

3) They would have continued working if they did not have the kids - these women liked working, liked having a career and paycheck. The decision to quit did not happen because they did not like to work, or that they were put in a caregiver role (special needs child, ill parents). The decision to quit was very deliberate because for their HHI, the quality of life and stress as two working parents and kids going to daycare was not acceptable.   Moms I know quit because they did not think that with their HHI they, their spouse or their families needed to make do with an imbalanced life.  These moms have retained all kinds of help and are really managers of their households, instead of the workers.

The DCUM SAHM-WOHM divide is a class divide mostly.  People who are rich and wealthy assume that you will always put the interest of your "brand" first.  When you are with your children 24/7,  making them feel loved, secure and nurtured, giving them the advantages (these are in the KNOW women), you are raising them for success in all aspects of their lives. I have a friend who has one kid who is musically talented, another who writes and another who is a rising sports-star. She was able to spot their interest and talent when they were little and really able to nurture them and facilitate opportunities for them.  These are healthy successful kids who are doing what they love to do, but frankly there is both nature and nurture in play here.   I have never found her apologetic about her domestic staff, her lifestyle or her lack of a paid job and no one in her circle of friends would think that she is not taking care of her business.

The whole "How do you spend your time, SAHM?" is a pleb question.  It is answered thusly by non-rich SAHMs - I get up up at 6 am , go to gym,  make breakfast, drop their kids to school, do groceries, clean the house,  do laundry, pay bills, volunteer, pick up kids, spend time with them, do activities, make them do homework, make dinner, have sex with their husband.  etc, and then they get  pooh-poohed by other non-rich WOHMs who go on to say that  - I get up at 5 am to go to gym, make breakfast, drop my kids to school,[b] go to work,[/b] pick up kids back, do groceries, clean the house,  do laundry, pay bills, have sex with their husband etc. 'We do everything that you do and WORK' claim the non-rich WOHMs. 'No you don't - we are with our KIDS' claim the non-rich SAHMs.

The real richy-rich WOHMs and SAHMs on the other hand have outsource chores, have flexibility of time and place, and assume that everybody wants to give their kids an edge in life.  They are not doing the laundry, grocery, yard work, cleaning. They are taking care of themselves and their family.  Only the poors are squabbling. [/quote]

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