Reply to Annoyed that I end up looking like the a-hole who missed Christmas

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You prioritized laundry and groceries over his family. It is simple. [/quote]

Are you drunk? She’s pregnant with no clean clothes and the ones she was wearing had been around drugs and poverty and filth all day. She’s a social worker. It’s not unreasonable for her to expect her husband to take 90 seconds to move some clothes from washer to dryer so she can have Christmas dinner in clean clothes.

OP, I’d make a joke of how inept he is next time you see his family, just tell them the story honestly and how you were furious at him that you had to miss dinner with them.[/quote]

Thank you, PP. Yes, a shower and clean clothes are an absolute necessity. I would not want to potentially expose DH’s family to the things I’m exposed to: germs, filth, bodily fluids. When you step foot in a home with a urine saturated floor and there’s vomit or poop  everywhere, you need to change your clothes and shower. I strip down in the garage most days.

Also - groceries were needed. I didn’t know in that moment what the store hours were on a Christmas Day, or if they were open at all. Also I was starving and there wasn’t much to eat at home. I knew any food at DH’s family’s house would have been left out and picked over so I needed to get something to eat for myself quickly. They weren’t serving a meal - just appetizers and they started celebrating at 3. They’re not food cautious and will leave seafood dips out for 4+ hours. [/quote]

Following this thread and got the update.  Please don’t passive aggressively “joke” about how you were furious with him to his family as the pp suggested.  There were multiple issues going on but I think I get it now and it does get back to the subject line.  The bottom line is you could only make Christmas dinner given coming back from vacation, working all day, and friends and family visiting the next day if DH speeded up the process by having food and clean clothes available. He didn’t and threw you under the bus with his family and got upset at you.  If you have talked with DH since be clear what’s not okay is him putting the blame on you.  Full stop.  The other things will take time to work out but accepting responsibility for your own actions and seeing yourselves as a team is really the foundation for working things out and adding a baby into the mix.

From someone that has BTDT with not wanting to disappoint anyone and trying to see everyone, in the future you just can’t have these many things back to back.  My DH is the one that helps keep me balanced on not scheduling too much. Also, you both have to figure out a system for these things.  There were two posters that had some really good advice that OP acknowledged.  I’m the one, the DW, that is easily distracted and I literally set reminders with alerts on my iPhone when there are multiple must remember things like before we go out of town for the holidays.  Or when my DH asks me to put clothes in the dryer, I will set a timer on my phone to check in 60 minutes or guaranteed I will forget unless I was also doing laundry.  Also, if your in-laws are close by, thru DH make sure they are part of your support network with the baby and same with your family.  You can’t do it all by yourself all the time.  I’m blessed with wonderful in-laws and great parents.  When the kids were young, heck even now, they would watch them so we could have time away and remember what is is like to be a young couple in love.  There have also been there to help when we have had to travel for work.  I hope that someday when we are grandparent that we can do the same.[/quote]

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