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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also think all of you 'don't take the inheritance' posters are missing the reasoning behind the not taking money.

Usually it is either a) our parents are bad or controlling in some way and we don't want to be indebted to them or b) we don't want to hurt their time on this planet by shrinking their funds with our needs.

In both cases inheritance is an entirely different moral quandary that people may approach different. Maybe for some people in the first category it's blood money, maybe they will feel like they earned it by putting up with a toxic parent for so long. And for everyone in the second category it no longer matters.

There is a subset of, 'I can do it myself' people but accepting an inheritance when you have in fact, done it yourself your whole life is not hypocritical to me. And I'm not one of these people.

I think all the takers here think the 'reluctant-to-take' people just don't know how to ask for help. And that we are somehow miserly with our own children. There's a lot of nuance in this though, and so much to do with how you are raised and who your parents are. [/quote]

If it's scenario A (abusive or controlling parents), then seriously, don't take the inheritance.  If you're taking a stand about how you don't need their money because they're bad people, then follow through when they're dead too.  The money is tainted whether the parents are alive or dead.

Scenario B- yes, this is very understandable and one that I would hope most reasonable adult children can see for themselves. I totally agree with you.  BUT, that's not what original PP said. She said she thinks less of people who accept money from their parents and cited examples of house downpayment or schooling for kids that, while some people would be uncomfortable with, are definitely NOT the extremes that others are citing here- chronically under- or unemployed or co-dependent adult children, people who waste money, etc.  So she struck some people as hypocritical because in accepting an inheritance (which we can all agree an adult child is not entitled to), she is in fact accepting money from her parents all the while castigating people who do it while their parents are still alive.  And, she said that she doesn't consider paying for college to be "help," which leads me to assume that her parents paid for hers.  My husband worked 50 hours a week at Walmart while going to college full-time because his parents couldn't pay.  I can assure you he considers having a parent contribute to college to be a big help, in fact, probably one of the biggest pieces of assistance a parent could give.[/quote]

I am that original PP I think. I really don't like cutting out the quotes when you're citing them as it makes it really hard to know who you're talking about. And I think you should MYOB about scenario A folks, they should do whatever they want. They were deprived a bunch of parental assistance like love and stability that the rest of us take for granted.

To clarify my personal stance, I said I think less of people who's parents are involved in their mortgage and helping to keep the lights on a regular basis. Not people who accept a down payment or a college education (this is why I think you're talking about me because yes I don't think it counts and I wrote that). I don't think a college education counts because parents are all encouraged to save for it from the moment a child is born. There is no cultural pressure or expectation that you should be saving for a new car for when your kid turns 22 or to save for helping them out with their electric bill. But people do try to save for their kids college education. I don't think that a child should feel bad about accepting something a parent spent their entire life saving for. Which is also why, to a lesser extent, I would put helping with a wedding or a down payment on a house in the same category. Some parents save for a 'entering adulthood' gift. This doesn't mean I don't count these things as 'help' but I count it as help the way every dime your parent ever spends on you is help. And parents have different amounts of money. Some can pay for Janie and Jack and then private school and a car when you're a teenager and fund your college. Some can keep food on the table and sneakers on your feet and bus fare and they can't put a dime towards college. But both of those kids can emerge independent and self reliant. If the rich kid's parents ALSO cosign a mortgage, pay it, and pay for him to start a small business? Well to me that's not standing on your own two feet. And that says something about that person.

For me it comes down to frequency. Are you receiving REGULAR help throughout your adulthood? Are you living a life outside your means because of continued support? A one time boost up over a wall isn't the same as a parent strapping the kid to their back and hiking up the mountain for them. I feel like people are playing dumb about the distinction here. The difference between helping with a down payment and helping with the monthly mortgage is enormous.

Inheritance is in my mind an entirely different thing. It is money that you didn't ask for, that you (hopefully) didn't plan for. It is not relying on mom and dad, it fell into your lap. What you chose to do with money that has such emotional weight is a personal decision IMO. [/quote]

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