Reply to Custody Issue - Pendente Lite VS. Divorce Decree

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why?[/quote]

Too much to recap but I came on here to ask for help about what to do back when we were both living in the same house. 
Here's the backstory:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/728320.page[/quote]

Yikes.  Your DW is a lunatic and is damaging your DD.  Very sad.  Is your DD reasonable well balanced or is she inheriting bad traits from the horrible behavior of your DW?  If she's a well balanced kid, keep up whatever you're doing b/c she's going to need it.[/quote]

Unless the divorce is due to abuse by OP. OP is refusing to discuss the fault-based grounds for a reason.[/quote]

The fault grounds shouldn’t matter when it comes to custody, so they’re not really relevant. However, what they are relevant to is why there was no signed separation agreement and/or negotiation BEFORE a pendente lite hearing. It should have never gotten to that point. Since it did, I’m afraid OP is in for a long long road ahead of him with his ex.[/quote]

Abuse toward the wife isn't technically relevant to a custody determination, but if the child witnessed the abuse and/or OP has behaved in questionable manner toward the child, that can be grounds for a judge limiting his access to the child. Especially if the child has expressed a preference not to spend time with her father.[/quote]

OP isn’t saying purposely, but if you read between the lines it is pretty clearly adultery.[/quote]

Correct but it still doesn't warrant the punitive nature of the divorce settlement.  [/quote]

If OP neglected his daughter even once during his affair, STBXW had to pick up the slack.  And I'm guessing she picked up A LOT of the slack, since people in affair's generally disregard their home life responsibilities.  So if that was the "new norm" for their DD, that's what the judge is going to order. BTDT.[/quote]

are you exDH or exDW?[/quote]

I thought it was pretty clear, but I am the exDW.  DH had an affair, and I was essentially a single mom for 10 months.  When we went to court, that was evident, despite his involvement with our daughters prior to the affair.  Affairs screw up families, plain and simple.[/quote]

That was your case but it's not representative of what happens with affairs.  If you wanted to, you can have maintained 50-50 split but you chose not to - that's on you.

My exDW cheated on me and left me for AP.  I was essentially a single dad of 2 young kids for several months but I never thought that it was a permanent solution.  Kids need their parents, 50-50 (or as close as possible).  Period.  Being a single parent for x months is irrelevant to the issue.  What your wishes for your kid is what matters.[/quote]

Why on earth would I want to give up time with my children to an irresponsible person who time and again put his own needs above everyone else's?  He showed his true colors during his affair, and that included being an unreliable caregiver to our children.  It's not complicated.  And btw, he sees them plenty, just not 50-50.  [/quote]

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