Reply to Husband made plans without me Thanksgiving morning

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, there are a lot of trolls messing with you on this thread. You are perfectly reasonable, and you shouldn't acknowledge their BS insults, nor let them get in the way of your reasonable search for some rational and mature (I'm sure we can give you that) input.

You're right to be upset. It looks like all households cannot help themselves but fall back into the 50ies distribution of tasks and power every once in a while, and you have to be alert and not let it happen to your dignity, energy, and time. About this one statement:
[quote] But I'll present him with a list of things he has to do, or else cancel on them I guess. I won't actually do the whole thing myself.[/quote]
I don't think you should draw that list of things he has to do, if it's his friends that your family is hosting. That is typical emotional labor. That list of things, he should have drawn it mentally before committing to be out of the house for a whole half-day before hosting. This habit, if it's a habit, of one-sided list drawing and divvying of tasks, only encourages the selfish irresponsible decision-making, that ends with a fight where everyone is unhappy.

If he's going to take the whole morning off to golf, *he* could be the one to come up with a list of things that he will do the day before or as soon as he gets back, or this weekend, and of things that you could do for the meal to be ready by Tday dinner time, to prove to you that his plan is fair to you, if hurtful. [/quote]

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