Reply to Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride

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[quote=Anonymous]Posters, who think that helping out in such situation is an honorable thing, are either naive or lucky to meet only honorable people. Here is my example. I drove my child’s friend (along with my child) to an activity several times a week for a full year. In the beginning of the year, when her mom asked me to drive her kid, I told her that I could not and did not want to do it on a regular basis for a variety of reasons (among them was the fact that on certain days my work hours were not flexible and on other days I had potential meetings, scheduled at the last minute). There were no serious problems in that family. It was just that both parents worked (one worked from home), and the drive to the activity was long.

During that year, whenever I told that mom that I cannot drive (usually due to my work), she reacted with annoyance, but, surprisingly, her kid always found a “ride” and was at practice on time. She was not shy asking neighbors and other parents to help, and occasionally the work-from-home parent drove the kid himself when I was unavailable. In the meantime my own kid stayed home and missed the activity on such days (i.e. there was no attempt from that family to return the favor, and I did not want to burden other people). The family never offered anything (say, help with something, not to mention gas money). The first ‘thank you’ I heard was 6 months later. They never bothered to hire a driver and kept using me and a few other people for free. Once I told that mom, that I could no longer drive the kid, she stopped even saying ‘hi’ to me.

My advice to the OP: if it feels like that that family wants to simply use you, decline and don’t even think of feeling guilty. There are many people, who need help but will never ask for it unless it’s a life or death situation. I prefer helping such people. The ones, that you describe, are unlikely to be worthy of that help, and the more you help, the more they feel entitled to receive it. [/quote]

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