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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, I know its complicated.  [b] I hope I was right and don't feel great about this happening at all[/b].  But its made me think a lot about what one should do when something clearly wrong happens.  How can anyone be completely right when a situation goes so wrong or how wrong can someone be when responding to a bad situation.

Someone earlier mentioned #metoo.  I don't consider myself a liberal more of a centrist and I haven't been pleased with all aspects of whats going on with this movement.  However, I'd be lying if I didn't express that in that moment I briefly thought of the video where Weinstein had the reporter in his hotel room and she couldn't bring herself to do or say anything to get herself out of the situation.[/quote]

Maybe one reason is that so many of us women have been conditioned to walk a very fine line when it comes to "confrontation".

On one hand, we know we're supposed to "speak up" and "do the right thing".  But on the other hand, we're supposed to be "polite" and "considerate of other people's feelings." And we're certainly not supposed to "make a scene" or ruin someone's party or good time.

OP, in the moment you knew that what he was doing was WRONG.  And you knew you had to help your DD handle it.  So you did.  It was 100% the right thing to do.

So why do you feel bad after the fact?  Maybe because you know the guy felt bad (embarassed, confused, angry etc.) and/or that your friends feel bad (again, embarassed, confused, angry) because you interfered with their "good time"?  And a part of us believes we're supposed to navigate everything perfectly so no one's feathers get ruffled.

(Think of the PP who suggested you say, "Thanks anyway, but she doesn't want to dance." -- Sorry, but that's complete BS.  I'm all for being polite when appropriate, but no, we don't thank people for aggressively trying to override us when we say "no"!)

But sometimes we can't make everyone happy.  Sometimes we can't protect ourselves (or our loved ones) without embarassing or angering someone else.

Your mention of the Weinstein reporter is exactly the type of thing I think about, too.  I was in a situation like that as a teen, and I'm grateful that somehow I had picked up the message that it was ok (more than ok!) to protect myself, even at the expense of someone else's feelings.  Had I tried to "balance" things or navigate it "perfectly", I'm not sure I would have come out of it ok.

Bottom line:  Stop beating yourself up about this.  You did the right thing.  Period.  If your friends blame you for the way you handled that guy's grossly inappropriate conduct, shake it off.  You're a great mom with great instincts, and your DD is very lucky to have you!!

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