Reply to reality check please - husband who sometimes forgets to lock the front door at night

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Jeezus, a lot of people are neurotic on here.  He forgets to lock the door - BFD.  OP, if you're so obsessed over it, why don't you do it?  Obviously he doesn't think it's a huge deal and forgets to do it at times.  Unless you're in the city or in a bad area, there's really little reason to get upset over this as the odds of a break in by testing out the front door are incredibly rate.  [/quote]

We are in a city. And he walks the dog after I go to bed (he usually works till the wee hours of the morning). I feel like it would be preposterously neurotic - and pretty unfair - for me to have to get up again after he's back from walking our dog to check the locks that he can very easily lock himself. Basically I am asking him to show me the consideration of taking my safety concern seriously enough to just check the f*cking lock before he turns in for the night. [/quote]

Do you lock the door before you go to bed? Someone could still break in while he's still awake. In fact, the statistics someone posted earlier suggest that this is more likely.

This feels like one of those "it's not about the nail" moments. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

The safety risk isn't objectively all that great. You could protect the family just as much if not more by locking the door when you go to bed -- even if that means he has to unlock it to take out the dog. But it's not about objective safety. It's about your subjective feelings on the matter. Because he doesn't honor your subjective feelings, regardless of whether those feelings are well founded, on some level you feel like he doesn't love you. So maybe just tell him that - "forget about how important you think the locks are, just know that I think they are important and when you don't lock them, I feel like you don't love me. So, if you love me, please lock the doors." [/quote]

I always keep the door locked. He is not as careful. I just think it's a good habit to be in: lock the door when you come or go! I don't really understand why someone wouldn't do that out of habit, I guess.

I don't doubt his love for me - though I can see how this would seem like one of those issues that seems like it's about the relationship, and not really about the thing itself. He is a very loving spouse. He's just super absentminded. And as a great big man, he really doesn't have safety concerns the same way I do - as a very small woman.

I really do appreciate folks weighing in on this. I'm surprised how divisive this issue is! I thought people would actually be much harsher about my husband, and I'm glad that by and large people are being generous with both of us. We'll figure it out (I hope).[/quote]

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