Reply to Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?

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Reply to "Is it ok to host a birthday party but only ask a few of the kids to sleep over?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD's friend did this. DD was invited to the 1st party but not the sleepover. And that's ok. You can't be best friends to everybody. If you're so sheltered how are you going to learn to cope when you go out to the real world?[/quote]

We cope by being friends with people who treat us well and moving on from people who don’t. [/quote]

This.  I am not going to teach my daughter that she should do whatever she wants, and not to care about the totally foreseeable hurt feelings she will cause, because everyone else should just suck it up and not expect to be coddled.  I want her to be a considerate person who takes other people's feelings into account when making decisions, not just her own.  I always tell her that she doesn't have to be friends with everyone, but she does have to be kind.  She doesn't have to invite everyone to her party, but creating an A-list and a B-list is just unnecessary.  This isn't about "best friends," it's about excluding five kids out of a group of eleven.

And she's learning that sometimes she'll be excluded, that sometimes other people aren't considerate, etc.  People like you make sure of it!  But I don't want her to *be* that kind of person.  And she's learning how to cope with that, how to be resilient, and how to choose friends wisely.  Which are important.  But so is learning to be kind, inclusive, and thoughtful.    [/quote]

All of this. But also, I don't want my child to think this is acceptable and how friends treat each other. We have to teach them confidence and what to accept from friends now or they will let themselves be walked all over by future romantic partners since they won't be able to let go or not be attracted to those who don't treat them well. [/quote]

New Poster. Fwiw, I grew up during a time when things like this were considered normal or at least not questioned (80s and 90s) and it was always understood that the girl's best friend was going to sleep over after whatever event all the kids were at. Birthday parties, other parties, school events, concerts, etc. I never thought it was "mean girl" behavior because I knew that girl wasn't my best friend and in fact I already had other plans to sleep over at MY best friend's house (or vice versa).

I question the effectiveness of this type of social engineering that moms try to do nowadays. Kids still know who their "best friend" is. It's good to have a best friend. It teaches you how to develop and sustain intimacy with another person before sex comes into the picture.[/quote]

But op isnt talking about having one or two "besties" sleep over.  She's talking about 5 or 6 girls out of 11.  That's half the party!   That's just a very different scenario than having a single BFF stay after everyone else leaves.  [/quote]

I was talking about the people who say it's all or none, of which there were quite a few.[/quote]

That’s because OP is choosing between half the party sleep over OR nobody sleepover.  :roll: [/quote]

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