Reply to My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I so get it! 
I think you have two ways. If he is not really in a position to contest, you should try and get the custody that is roughly equal to what you did when married. I just don’t know if he is the kind of person to raise a stink if you disagree with his absurd ideas. Maybe if you go to court asking for 80/20 and having good arguments as to why, you will get it and he won’t contest it. Or maybe he will get spitting mad and try to make your life hard and take it out on the kids and whatnot.
The second option would be to agree to paying him as if he had 50, but giving him like 10 physical (just so that you have some free weekends) and zero legal. Essentially buying him out of custody. 
I am facing a somewhat similar dilemma myself (stbx earns more but doesn’t want to pay up and I don’t want him to have any legal custody- not worried about physical as he will just drop the ball I am sure). So I am thinking whether I should go for the bird in hand or 2 in the bush. [/quote]

10 physical and zero legal? For $450 a month? First of all, no way is that happening in a 2018 court. Second of all, You people are literally insane and you're BAD parents. You would separate your kids from their other parent 90% of the time and give the other parent ZERO say over their physical care, education, health, etc. just because you feel like you deserve all of it? I don't care how great a mom you think you are, doing that to your kids when they have a biological need to have a relationship with their other parent makes you a S H I T T Y person. These aren't deadbeat dads who haven't been around in a decade and you're finally just making the reality legal. These are just dudes getting a divorce who still want to be a parent to their kids and maybe even be a better parent since their time with their kids now won't come with the other parent breathing down their neck or insisting on doing it all their way.

Y'all need to realize trying to usurp all the custody, legal and physical, hurts your KIDS.  [/quote]

You live in some sort of weird la-la land. Most men don't want to do the hard work of parenting. It's why  most marriages break up.

I went walking with another mom the other day; first time I'd met her, and she was telling me about her custody agreement. Son is with his dad every other weekend and one night a week. Used to be more, at the beginning. Then he started dating, then got married -- and had 3 more kids. Then decided he needed to move, so gee, being with his oldest just wasn't so doable anymore.

That's just how most men are. [/quote]

No, that is not just how the way most men are and most men aren't given a chance to be parents.  There is usually more to those stories especially if you haven't talked to Dad. [/quote]

I just opened this thread from recent topics, not currently in the process of divorce.  But my DH not stepping up and parenting is a huge source of contention in our marriage.  How do I “give him the chance” to parent?  I feel like at best, I can give him a specific task (ie. “Help larlo with his homework tonight.”). But that feels more like something I would say to my nanny than something I would say to an equal parent.  [/quote]

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