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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a baby around the same time as many of my friends and definitely have noticed a big difference in the marriages of SAHMs and working moms.  I work for many reasons.

1.  I really enjoy my job and I earn a relatively high salary (200k+) with flexible hours.  
2. I enjoy getting out of the house and the interaction I have with other adults during the work week.  
3.  One of the main factors for me is that my husband contributes at home and we are equals.  I would resent doing all of the housework, planning, organizing etc but maybe you don’t mind this. 
4.  I want my own retirement account. 
5.  I don’t want my entire life to only be about my husband and child.  I have my own identity. My SAHM friends have become more boring and overly focused on their child as time goes by.

I’ve also noticed that many SAHMs think they are staying home for the benefit of their child but really it’s for them.  And that’s fine.  But I’m not sure it makes much difference to the children and as we know, the children won’t remember their early years.  My nanny is excellent with my child.  Some of the SAHMs I know are actually making huge parenting mistakes that maybe could be avoided if they weren’t the sole childcare provider for their child.

All of this being said, you need a new job.  Working for $35k at your age is silly.  Your benefits are terrible.  I realize some people can’t find better jobs, but I assume you can. You should quit once the baby comes and then around 5 months postpartum try and find a new job.  One with some flexibility so you spend enough time with your child.  Just don’t stay out of the workforce too long and try to find a job where you can return if you have a second kid (at least 4 months of unpaid leave)

[/quote]

This is a ridiculous list.  I SAH, and could say all the following:

1.  I enjoy my job (stay at home), and we have high HHI.
2.  I enjoy getting out of the house and interacting with other moms/kids.  I also enjoy going out once a week on my own (I'm the PP who has a babysitter once a week) to run errands, work in a coffee shop, etc.
3.  My DH and I are equals.  Staying at home doesn't change that.
4.  I have my own retirement account.  That was a priority for us.  
5.  I DO have my own identity.  Sorry your SAHM moms are boring; maybe you're boring too.  I, on the other hand, have several hobbies, and I certainly still connect with my prior career in terms of identity/interests.

Yes, I'm staying home for me as much as for my kids/family.  I think kids who are raised by working moms and in the care of nannies or daycare providers are just as lucky as kids raised by stay-at-home moms.

You make a lot of judgements about SAHMs that are just ridiculous.[/quote]

Well it’s easy to notice how our SAHM friends are treated by their husbands and the fact their husbands go off to earn money every day while their wives stay home and act as an unpaid nanny and maid.

That’s great you have your own retirement account but you’re obviously not contributing to it now.  Unless you are referring to the small amount you can put in a Roth.

[b]You can refer to the HHI as yours all you want but I guarantee your husband doesn’t view it that way.  He may not ever admit this to you because he isn’t dumb, but deep down he probably feels it’s entirely his paycheck.  I think you’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.[/b]

Also most men with SAHMs seem to act as though they are doing their wife a favor.  Staying at home is actually harder for most women.  Why would I take on a harder job that isn’t even paid?

[/quote]

Husband with a SAHM wife here and yes, I assure you, I absolutely 1000% DO think of it as "our" HHI. We are a team. She is just as integral to the household and our family as I am; it is our money through and through. I've never thought like you're implying everyone does. [/quote]

So if your wife left you, you’d be completely fine with splitting your income for the rest of your life?  After all...it’s hers too!  [/quote]

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