Reply to DD's teacher (innocent or inappropriate)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, as a mother, I would be very concerned.  And I would probably talk to my daughter about her feelings about her boyfriend, whether she thinks he's a loser, etc.,.

As a professional AND as a mother, I would be extremely concerned and would consider this a red flag.  Perhaps the teacher 'means well,' but he is NOT LISTENING nor is he paying attention to ANY professional discourse in the field.  For a teacher to comment on ANY student's relationship is unwise at best and outright dangerous at worst.  What's more, the fact that your daughter (like most kids her age) is now inferring judgment about herself based on his attitude/actions (whether or not it's her perception or a reality) signals that HER gut is saying 'something's not right here.'

I won't presume to tell you what to do, because it's hard.  The teacher needs to know, stat, that this is unacceptable behavior.  He needs to hear it from an administrator.  He might lose his job.  Seriously, he would at some schools, no questions asked (assuming he said what your daughter has reported, and we have no reason to doubt it).  If you go to an administrator -- and you should not go to the teacher directly -- you'll get some 'stuff,' not just from DCUM but perhaps your daughter and her peers and perhaps the school.  However, if you don't go to the administration, then eventually, someone else will. Trust me:  either the teacher is 'innocent' (and ignorant) and will keep on making inappropriate comments until he goes too far (innocently, ignorantly) and gets either fired or sued.  Or, the teacher is what (I'm sorry OP) my gut's telling me, and is defying expectations in favor of being what he feels is the best educator, which typically leads to boundary elision, which sometimes leads to an inappropriate relationship -- in other words, yep, grooming.

How do I know?  I've seen it; I've heard it; and I've dealt with it both as an undergrad decades ago (hearing from a professor) and as an executive administrator in education at both the highest university levels as well as with a supervisor and consultant for PreK-12 teachers.  I am conversant (as required) with standards for private and public sector education, especially with boundary 'issues' that can be perceived between teachers and students.  I have delivered and participated in multiple (recent) required seminars and professional development opportunities for high school educators as recently as two weeks ago.  Because I am a mandated reporter and because I supervise educators, as well as work with high school standards, I have concrete knowledge of expectations and also of legal and workplace sanctions and cases that have arisen from situations such as you describe.  There is NO way that any current educator adhering to stated norms and expectations would make these statements; there's no way a good administrator who's practicing risk management and keeping his/her students' best interest would allow such behavior.

I wish you luck.  And I'm telling you, without hyperbole despite my use of all caps, that this shouldn't be happening and your gut, your daughter's, and your husband's are telling you all you need to know.

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Excellent post here. The teacher has been grossly inappropriate. Did you tell your daughter?[/quote]
Dear God. This is why we have so few male teachers. Every little thing is picked apart and no matter what some freak thinks you are a pedo.

I don't think that is the reason we have few male teachers.  I would say it is the low regard and poor pay is two good reasons.  I also think the comment was inappropriate.  It really isn't his business unless the daughter was in danger some how.  Most h.s relationships don't last long anyway. [/quote]
Agree.[/quote]

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