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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. BF has asked for money for substantial expenses.  I have turned him down but loaned in other cases.The money is not for vacations. [/quote]

He’s using you.

The ex doesn’t have to do anything - she doesn’t have to move or get a better job or anything else unless BF and ex agree to it. OP has no say in that conversation.

But OP is wrong in giving money. OP is subsidizing the ex - not BF. OP is taking money from her own kids and household for a boyfriend. That’s the real issue. All the talk about what’s normal or not, what’s decent and kind is really fluff. BF isn’t kind - apparently OP is.

OP - you need someone who can support themselves, their kids, and whatever financial commitments they’ve made on their own. You can’t be seriously talking about living together and forming a new household with someone who can’t manage their own finances now - and will only get worse with college expenses looming. You’re going to have a kept man and regret it. You don’t need someone who can bankroll you but with your own kids to worry about, you need at minimum an equal partner who won’t drain you financially and impact your kids’ quality of life - especially if marriage isn’t even on your radar.

I wouldn’t continue this relationship.
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