Reply to GF and I started talking marriage and I was shocked she was dead against it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Background: I am 48 and girlfriend is 49. We both have children that are late teens- early 20s and are both excited to share this new phase of life with someone we love.  Have been dating for 2 years.  I am divorced (over a decade) and she is widowed (for about 7 years now) and we have talked about living together when kids are gone. I broached the topic of marriage and was shocked to find out she has no interest.  She will start drawing her deceased husband pension at 58 and she said she has calculated that figure into her long term planning and isn't willing to change plans.  She knows I make good money and can provide a similar lifestyle (if not grander) but she was very firm and mentioned how "messy things can get with older children and grandchildren and no one will want to support their dads 2nd wife".  She feels strongly about it and does not want to "muck up a good situation by combining assets."  I think she just doesn't want to give up the pension and that to me is pretty selfish.  She is a physicians assistant so she can live on her own earning power if needed. (right now she works part time) I ended up making hurtful comment about how she obviously had a plan marrying an older guy and now I regret that. I just thought she and I were on the same page. I want to be with her but don't know if I can give up the value I hold in marriage.  And advice?[/quote]

What kind of guy are you? You are getting a a free ride, why complicate it with marriage?  She seems to have more sense than you..[/quote]

OP feels threatened by the fact that his girlfriend is a widow and thus probably would still be happily married to her first husband rather than wanting to be with OP if the husband hadn’t died. OP wants her to marry him and give up her husband’s pension as a sign that OP is more important to his girlfriend than her first husband was.[/quote]

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