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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]30 hours of travel with a new baby sounds miserable and its too much of an ask.

Honestly, bringing an infant that young to a wedding is a big ask even without the travel.
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OP here, that's the other thing. Kids aren't invited to the wedding, but the in-laws are insistent because we live so far away and they don't get to see this set of grandkids that much, so they want us to bring the whole family back for a visit. We haven't seen them since we moved overseas last year (and that incredibly long journey with a 1 and 3 year old was a special kind of hell), so I completely understand that they want us to come and stay with them for a week before the wedding so we can all spend time together, but having had two kids already, I know that I am not at my best for a good 6-8 weeks postpartum and this trip sounds so stressful and exhausting.[/quote]

This is the kind of thing that comes with moving halfway around the world from your family. If you’re not around for the small stuff, there’s less leeway with other people,when you don’t make the effort for the really big stuff. Due to my DH’s work I know a lot of current/former ex pat families and it seems like they all either do a lot of traveling home for big family events, or they’re just kind of distant from their extended families generally. It’s hard to have it both ways, to not make the effort while also not having people read into it.[/quote]

Expat PP. Most families of expats understand this, and would never ask their daughter or DIL to fly with a month-old baby. My parents and ILs would have positively forbidden it, and been completely fine with my missing a wedding. Understand that living far away doesn't change the risks we take. Most people are reasonable human beings. OP's ILs are not.

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Depends on when BIL got engaged. Kind of crappy to decide to have another kid after the engagement has been announced knowing you’ll have to skip the wedding as a result.[/quote]

What would you do if you were already pregnant (announced) and a sibling set a wedding date 4 weeks after your due date? [/quote]

In my case, it was 7 weeks, and yes I was in OP's situation. It was kid #1 and it sounds like the cities were reversed from OP.  DH went; no regrets.  If OP's DH is able to go for at least 10 days and he feels up for finding childcare during wedding, he should bring the older kids.  It would be great if the inlaws and BIL could help find child care, but nothing in OP's post suggest that they will be helpful in this score.

That said, as much as it sucks, the burden really does fall on the one who moved away to make more trips home.  It's nice to say "in this day and age" and all but the reality is that many families with young kids (particularly those living outside the US) just don't have a budget for regular international travel.[/quote]

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