Reply to Husband overseas/deployed- my role with inlaws?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am beginning to think this is a troll, because the responses are so wildly inconsistent.  First OP is “barely hanging on” and resentful that they haven’t visited, and her issue is “how do you manage two family sides by yourself?”  Then she is “muddling through just fine, but it would have been nice” to have help.  And she won’t “call them begging for help,” which she apparently equates to *asking* for help. Then her issue is that she “can't stand that I have another role.  Then she “really need[s] the help, but I'm not going to get on my knees and beg,” which is ridiculous, because again, she hasn’t asked for help form them. She would have liked them to come babysit, but never asked them to, and is mad that they didn’t.  She knows that they believe she doesn’t need their help and doesn’t care about them seeing the kids, but again, *won’t ask for help.”  And to top it off, in her last post, she says that “I don't even really need their help,” and is just annoyed that asking them to visit is another chore for her (because a 3 line email is too difficult) and that they are “whining” about not seeing their grandkids.  She doesn’t think they want to babysit, but again, and sorry to beat a dead horse, she hasn’t asked them.

Yup.  Troll who is trying to tailor her story (unsuccessfully) to elicit the most sympathy.  Or, if she’s not a troll, she’s just annoyed at her ILs in general and can’t keep her story straight. 
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This.  I think that OP just doesn't really like her in-laws, and is almost perfectly happy to cut them out when her husband is deployed, except that she resents that they aren't helping her out (despite her never asking).   [/quote]

OP here. Hah. I'm not a troll but I obviously have many different feelings about it all. I do think my thoughts are inconsistent. I'm mentally barely hanging on, but you wouldn't know it. My kids are super happy, adjusted and the priority. DH only has a month left and I dream about someone else feeding the kids or being the one who can comfort them when they fall down or read them books at night (because omg I have to read the same boring 6 books every single night). My inlaws haven't ever done any of that even when I visit them, so it's probably just a pipe dream. [b]And they did know about the wedding and the funeral. [/b]Someone mentioned the house which I had to laugh about. The second DH leaves, the entire house falls apart on me. It's kind of a running joke now about what will break on me (my straightening iron died just this morning even and the keurig last week, the AC two weeks ago, on and on).

I'm not trying to get sympathy, I was trying to see what other people do. And the answer was they write letters and call their inlaws constantly. I don't know why it's hard for me to call and have an awkward conversation for half an hour. [/quote]

But did you actually ask them to watch the kids?  You don't need to write letters and call your in-laws constantly, but it just makes no sense to be so upset about this when you don't ask.  They aren't mind readers.

The answer is that some people never contact their in-laws.  Some people call them once a week.  Some people arrange for them to see the grandkids.  People do different things.  But if you're not happy with the way things are, then you need to use your damn words and speak up.  "Hey, Mavis, the kids would love to see you guys.  Would you like to come down next weekend or the weekend after and take them to the zoo or the children's museum?  They would love it and it would give me some time to run some errands, and then we could all have dinner."  [/quote]

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