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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. All of the replies here are really helpful. I kind of chuckled at the responses calling upon me to have more sympathy because I used to be have such lofty standards too until I actually had real life experience with an addict.

Now, I know that, in most cases, the selfish, asshole traits come first and contribute to addiction, not the other way around. Funny how all this sympathy for and rationalizing of addiction didn’t exist in the 80s and 90s when blacks were the face of addiction.

Anyway, I am working on getting DH on board. It will take many talks, I think. His parents are very manipulative and have been priming him to take over care of them AND SIL in order to give themselves peace of mind. They don’t care about the ramifications for us and our children. The apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree as far as SIL’s selfish ways go.

I would appreciate advice on prying a codependent, guilt-ridden spouse loose from controlling parents. He won’t go to a program for relatives of addicts.[/quote]

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