Reply to husband meeting up with female trainer and friends tonight out of town

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[quote=Anonymous]Of course she is gorgeous--why would he decide to meet up with his homely female trainer while in Vegas? What frisson is in that? Even if he is not conscious of it, of course he's creating a tempting situation for himself.

OP, what I see is disturbing is the way he parses truth. He may not have hooked up with her or even 'planned' to--but at some level of course he knows it is inappropriate, and furthermore, given the history you have shared he should be highly aware of what it means to put himself in these situations--which sounds like Paris, right? He's there, he's away from home, there's a beautiful woman, he got carried away, etc--I'm guessing that when you discussed this he abnegated responsibility--didn't mean for it to happen, got caught up in the fantasy etc--all explanations that refuse to assume responsibility for putting himself in the position in the first place.

also problematic is that he blames you for being crazy about being upset about this. If he had no history of inappropriate relationships, I might give it a pass but I would *still* be on edge. But in this situation, he should have never made this plan in the first place and if he did and you said something he should have immediately said "you're right, I'm so sorry. I love you and definitely am not planning on anything but I can see how my actions would make you uncomfortable." to put the onus on you for policing the marriage is not good and unfair.

as another poster said, he can be full of contradiction: sincere, loving, but also dishonest. He starts by lying to himself--'nothing going on' but even making the plan is, for him, naughty and exciting. [/quote]

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