Reply to BF's daughter and kids living with us (misery)

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, the current situation does sound miserable.

Having your place to move into is so important--that was either really smart to keep it, or fortuitous it worked out that way.  Right now you are trapped in a living situation you don't want, and I don't think you should keep yourself in that situation.

Your BF has promised some important things, and maybe he will even fulfill them.  However, from the outside it seems clear to me that you should NOT keep living together for now.  It's key not only to use words but behavior to show that you mean business.  You can always move in with him again later if things are going well and the situation has changed.

He's promising a sea change in how he deals with his daughter. It's going to be hard when he's tested.  If he's been caving into her and catering to her, he sounds like someone who wants to make people happy.  Now you're miserable so he's telling you what you need to hear so that you're happy.  What's going to happen if you stay, rent out your other place, and then something happens with the daughter (because it will), and then he has to choose between making you happy or his child?  Don't put him or you in that position, with you having no leverage except for words.

I'd move out, tell him you truly hope the situation improves and that he lives up to what he's saying, that you'll support him in that, you want to be together.  But you need some space right now and the safety of a positive living situation with the assurances that the past won't repeat. Then get together when you can, enjoy your time together--and watch what happens.  [/quote]

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