Reply to DH is going to blow a gasket. Give me strength.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP with an update and some clarification. I know many of you won’t believe me, but there is zero threat of violence here. Think of it like this: DH’s outbursts are a lot like a skunk spraying. He makes a stink and runs because he feels threatened by anything that makes him feel uncomfortable and inadequate. He is not looking to engage.
 
His tantrums are more like a five-year-old’s irrational blowup that passes almost instantly. He is quick to recover and is back to his loving self. I’m more emotional (and sensitive because I’m so worn out) and carry the hurt longer. I don’t mean to diminish anything. His behavior is dumb, and it’s affecting our family. But I feel perfectly safe, I am not terrified, my children are fine. They are of course seeing an adult behave the way they do when they’re angry, and that’s something we need to address. This is not worthy of an emergency exit.

I’ve been really touched by the support and suggestions here. I’m concerned that my initial posts have misrepresented my situation, and the suggestions I’m getting to divorce, to run for my life, are so well-intended but way beyond what is required here.

I’m not sleeping because we have an infant/young kids and because of my work shift. So much of my irritation comes from the fact that I’m tired and don’t have the energy to devote to diffusing silly outbursts. He’s tired too, but he’s not getting up with a baby all night either so i have little sympathy there.

I plan to write down my thoughts when I’m not exhausted and emotional, let him process them when he’s not tired and emotional, and come up with a time when we can sit down and talk like partners, not enemies. Thank you to the PPs who suggested this because I do agree so much of our issue is that we’re trying to work things out in the middle of already stressful moments. [/quote]

OP, I know people like this - they are in long term marriages, and it gets worse with time.  The DHs I know throw things in the house, have a violent temper, which is hair trigger about most anything not their way.  It is like walking on eggshells.  Their behaviors are entrenched (as PP stated) in their families.  Your DH needs professional help.  To the outside, the DHs I mention look like the "all around nice guy/great husband/great catch/great dad" - when in reality, life is very, very, very different. The DHs that I know refuse to get the help they so obviously need.  It is no way to live.  Your children will learn that this volatile and hostile behavior is acceptable - is that what you want?  [/quote]

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