Reply to DH is going to blow a gasket. Give me strength.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- what makes you so certain he won't be violent once you change your response to his tantrums? How can you know what he'll do when his behavior isn't just being accepted and overlooked until it passes? I think this is what some PP's are seeing that you are not.[/quote]

DP.  Maybe because he has a history of 30+ years of this tantrum behavior with no evidence of a physical or violent component to the behavior and no signs of escalation?

OP--you have to understand that DCUM is filled with people who see abuse everywhere they turn.  They are so indoctrinated in Gavin de Becker's "The Gift of Fear" that they will identify anything that beyond yoga and meditation as a developing abusive relationship.  It's like specialists who only see their specialty wherever they turn.  Humans are complex creatures but many look for ways to distill down the complexity of emotions into tangible simple steps and the armchair psychologist of DCUM always see abuse.

OP, I was one who suggested that you write down your thoughts and send them to him when he has time to digest it by himself before you talk to him (like taking the kids out for a few hours).  I hope you are able to follow through with this and that he can have his tantrum in solitude and then be reasonable when you get home and talk to you about it.  Please keep us updated and let us know if this works.  If this does, then you and he can try to find a way for him to cope and develop techniques for isolating his bad behavior so that you can work on more positive developments.

Good luck.[/quote]

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