Reply to Tell me about separating and divorcing with a young baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, have you told your DH that the way he acts scares you? And that it is making you think about leaving?

Honestly, my DH and I were going through a rough patch during my pregnancy. I wanted to leave but stayed because I was pregnant. We were fighting all the time, and suddenly our fights were scary because he would yell and throw things (I was yelling too). Then he was punching walls and throwing things like chairs ( not at me). After the 3rd or 4th time this happened, I stopped yelling at him and would tell him we needed to calm down if one of us started yelling.

The first time he did this after the baby was born, I let him calm down. The next day I told him that when he yelled and threw things it terrified me. I told him I would not raise my child in that environment. I told him I loved him and I was not trying to threaten him or give him an ultimatum, but if he did it again I would not stay, that what I might have tolerated when it was just me I would not tolerate with my child. I told him I wanted us to be together and that I would do my part and not yell or escalate our fights.

We are together 4 years later and he has stopped his frightening behaviors. I have stopped yelling during our fights. We have learned to de-escalate when we fight. We have more kids and are very happy.

If you still love and want to raise your child with your DH, you should communicate that his bahavior scares you and see if he offers to stop. Ask how you can support him. Help him figure out his triggers. Some people can and will change. If he doesn’t change, you will know you did everything you could and can leave knowing there was really no choice.[/quote]

Great post and story. Very positive outlook and also responsible. Congrats on saving your marriage.[/quote]

+ 1[/quote]
Hard to know if this story really has a happy ending. She does not mention her successful efforts in restoring a normal sex life, all we know is they both stopped yelling (and they had sex twice in 4 years resulting in more kids). If he's calmed down but they aren't having regular sex, it means he has quietly moved on to an affair partner.[/quote]

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