Reply to MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm on the MIL's side. You pay for all your make-up and facials? Good for you. But that's a ridiculous pittance. If your husband is 'young' I'm pretty sure you're the same. I don't get why women deliberate sideline their careers and make crappy wages, then look to the male in the relationship to pay for every single thing like its owed to them. He's picking up 95% of the expenses (bills and utilities) and you're upset because MIL called your lazy ass on it.[/quote]

Agree [/quote]

What OP said: [b]"I do not earn as much as him and I have offered to pitch in multiple times but he says no he’s got it."[/b]

Seriously? The wife is supposed to figure out he has lied to her and is now using his mother to get what he [i]really [/i]wants. Why not just answer truthfully when she asked? To make the marriage more dramatic? 
Sounds like you are projecting. [/quote]

You don't offer to pick up household financials like you're going out to brunch and a friend offered to buy you coffee. The OP is an adult and should know that she should be expected to contribute equally. Of course, when acting like a child gets her out of the obligation she'll act like its okay that he's responsible for everything. [/quote]

I strongly disagree.  I make quite a bit more than DH and he came into our marriage with a lot of debt so I cover most of our living expenses.  He offers regularly to pay for things and I, as an adult should, USE MY WORDS and let him know when I need him to cover things I have traditionally paid for.

OP and her husband came up with a system for who pays for what.  Is it a system you would choose?  Maybe not, but they came up with it and he has told her he's fine with it.  If he's not, he needs to put on his big kid pants and talk to his wife about it, not go run to mommy and complain like it's some kindergarten playdate going south.  [/quote]

NP here. Complete bullshit. OP lacks empathy if the system they came up with allows her to save money in her 401K while her husband cannot afford to. You will not feel so generous with your husband if you ended up with less than he did.

T[b]he system does not work because they husband ends up with less money saved than OP does. OP should insist that they each save an equal amount in their 401Ks. Splitting money only works if it is fair, not when one spouse ends up using all their money to pay for household bills and the other has savings.[/b]

He is definitely complaining to his mother. She needs to butt out, the husband needs to speak up, and OP needs to put herself in his shoes.[/quote]

I agree with this. Personally, I find it odd to to want to have separate accounts and deal with the his/hers accounting but I know it works for some couples.  But it can only work if both spouses feel 100% comfortable with the arrangement.  It should require regular review of expenses, both contributing to savings.  That may mean OP needs to pay towards DH's student loans so he can fund retirement savings.  Yes, in a divorce "her" 401k will need to be split with DH, but in this his/hers $$ relationship, it may feel more equitable if he has a 401k in his own name (even though that would also be split in a divorce).

The his/hers money arrangement seems like a big, unnecessary hassle to me.  However, if the marriage is not on firm footing - as this one seems it is not -- then I wouldn't recommend going to fully joint finances at this point.  This couple needs to go to marriage counseling.  DH probably is complaining to his mom, lacks boundaries with mom, "blew up" at OP over clarifying the money situation.  They have big communication issues along with the ILs and money issues.  [/quote]

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