Reply to MIL pulls me aside and tells me I am burdening her son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are able to save for your 401k because your husband is covering the rent, which is surely much more than car insurance. Who pays for utilities and entertainment? Why does this seem fair to you? (Of course, depending where you live, that 401k is a marital asset so he gets part of it if you split up.) Even with student loans, he could start a 491k if you paid some rent.

My guess is you complain about his mother and she complains about you, and he feels caught in the middle. There are two separate issues here: his mother and your finances. I don’t know how old you are, but you could stick up for yourself with his mother, subtly find out whether this is coming from her or from him, and decide that her opinion is not part of your relationship with your husband. In future you can decide whether to (1) hear her out, not get upset, and delete it from your mind or (2) stop her from giving her unsolicited opinion and burying into your marriage. We don’t know your MIL or your marriage, so we don’t know if she’s a busybody or if she sees her son in a bad situation and felt she had to speak up for him out of desperation. [/quote]

WTF? Havent you heard of living on one income/saving the other? [/quote]

“WTF?”  OP’s rhetoric is “my 401k” and “he doesn’t have a 401k.”  I’m not sure the saying means “live on his income so I can save my income for my 401k.”[/quote]

OP here.

WHAT is your problem. I am MARRIED. That is OUR 401K. If, God forbid, we were to divorce, he'd claim half of it.

Do SAHMs get this hard a time for living off their DH's income?

I'm confused by all the criticism. Since both of us cant save, one of us needs to focus earnings on that.[/quote]

You are confused because you do not want to see the truth because it makes you look selfish.  You are married but for some reason you are keeping separate finances.  So your name is on the 401 K so in a divorce your lawyers could argue it is yours.  Your husband is using up all of his money paying for the day to day things.  You could very easily walk away and he would have no savings.  I think his mom is smart to be concerned.

If things are so great, then sit down and redo who pays what somthat you both have savings and retirement and you both chip in for all the living expenses.  Maybe he pays more, but you should still be helping.  As you say, you are married.  So start acting like it instead of acting like a kept woman.[/quote]

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