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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]People without kids plan ahead, we are more pragmatic.  So you can do your own cognitive testing and have a Dignitas fund.  I have 30K in what I call, "Business Class to Zurich."  I will pay for a vacation to Paris afterwards for a young person to come with me if I can't go on my own.  You can't put your head in the sand and dump on your kids.  If I get cancer I will use medical aid in dying available where I live, not get treatment just to end up with Alzheimer's.

[b]Personally I think people with kids are selfish, so not planning ahead and doing what is necessary after you live a full life, should be called out as bad behavior not treated as some sort of virtue.  Some of the comments about wishing we had more kids to dump on, or more daughters, actually proves my point.[/b]  I would sacrifice for my child, if I had one, not ruin their life.     [/quote]

Personally, I see your point of view as selfish.  This is an American way of thinking.

How people treat their elders is very cultural.  Other cultures don't see our ailing parents as a burden :roll:   That's not to say it's not a stressful job, but like raising children, it's something that needs to be done and it's done out of love and yes, obligation.
[/quote]

I sometimes think it is related to the love and closeness of parents.  My siblings, grandkids and I were very, very close to my parents.  My parents were the best parents a kid could ever ask for.  Incredibly supportive, unconditional love, ---stern when needed growing up.  They had a joy for life and were best friends to my brother, sister and I as we got older.  If there was a family crisis with a grandkid or child, my parents were the first there to help solve the problem.  They came to all of their grandchildren's sporting events, talent shows, graduations, etc.

When my dad came down with a terminal illness, siblings, mother and I worked incredibly hard to protect and help him.  It was done purely out of love, not obligation.  He and my mother continually thanked us, but my response was 'you were always there for me'.  I also think it's a shame how elderly are treated and I saw the lack or respect amongst people when my usually larger-than-life dad started to become helpless. It infuriated me, though we found many caring nurses along the way.  I became his staunch protector.

I don't know how I would feel if my parents were horrible or mean or just not there, etc.  My husband supported his father that could be described as that when everyone in his family refused. He helped him end of life.  I don't know that I would have felt the same, but I really respect my husband for what he did.  I know it wasn't easy.[/quote]

Dealing with a parent with an end life terminal illness is actually different than dealing with an otherwise healthy parent's eldercare.

With a terminal illness you are not preparing so much for the future and longterm care, you are dealing with very much here and now issues that will most likely not be long lasting issues.  The focus is on today because you don't know if there will be a tomorrow.  And it is very unlikely that you will even get next year.

A reasonably healthy elderly parent could live for years if not decades more.  That involves quite a bit more planning and a very different approach.  And depending on how the parent is aging you might be dealing with things like a sweet but forgetful parent who gets lost or you could be dealing with combativeness and incontinence down the road.   You will also be aging yourself and what might seem very doable today might be a real stress 5, 10 or 15 years down the road.

As far as the marathon goes, it is so much better when a parent walks with you when it's easy and makes decisions for themselves than it would be to carry an uncooperative parent kicking and screaming to the finish line.  I personally think it is our duty, as parents, to not lay burden of our care completely at our children's feet.  The more we plan for ourselves, the happier and better for everyone.[/quote]

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