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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  The woman's husband found out in early December.  They had been on the rocks for a long time; he was suspicious of her, so he put a recording device in their bedroom.  She's a SAHM, kids are in school, and he recorded a suspicious phone conversation between her and my husband.  He called my husband at work soon thereafter and basically said "see you in hell" and said if my husband and the woman had any further contact, it would mean divorce in his family.  So the lovers have stopped talking.  My husband has promised me he will not contact her, and will tell me immediately if he hears from her.  I doubt their marriage will survive; she is a chronic flirt, starved for attention, bored housewife in a foreign city.  She lives a commuter flight distance from DC, and that is how their two sexual encounters happened.  Once in August she flew to DC and they shacked up in a Airbnb for a weekday, then in October he flew to her city on a weekday for sex and deep emotional conversations, seeking refuge in one another, because they have been dear friends for decades and trusted each other.  He says it was so easy to talk to her, and she was vulnerable, and there was a mutual physical attraction, thus the sex.  But they talked and agreed that blowing up their marriages would be too catastrophic, would hurt too many people.  So they agree they need to get over each other, although it will be hard because of the longstanding bond.  We are each starting individual counseling as well as couples therapy.  I know I need to work on my sexual appetite, but right now I'm so upset and confused that I don't know if I will ever want to get naked with him again.  I hope we can start fresh and fall in love again.  But I guess only time will tell.  I hope I can trust him again.  But at least he is devoted to maintaining an intact family, as am I.  We want that for our precious children.

All of your comments, even the mean ones, are so helpful to me right now.  Please keep them coming.  [/quote]
Before learning about the affair, you had a low "sexual appetite" and yet you stayed married to your husband despite that. For some reason, you thought nothing wrong with being married to a guy yet not wanting sex with him. Apparently, sex is not very important to you, nor do you feel that sex is important to a marriage. So why now would you end a marriage over something so unimportant as sex? As you've learned, there is no such thing as a "sexless marriage" because somebody (usually the man) is still getting some on the side. Surely you knew that your husband still wanted sex, and that you weren't having any, and you seem intelligent enough to know that is not a sustainable state of marriage. At some level you MUST have known that he would (eventually) go elsewhere for sex, yet you stayed married to him. Why now suddenly is this such a big deal?

I think your best chance to "maintain an intact family" will be to formally open the marriage. Considering that you may "never want to get naked with him again" an open marriage may be the only way to "save" your marriage.[/quote]

Agree 1000x.  Well said.[/quote]

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