Reply to WWYD? Serious BF dropped a bombshell on me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would talk to him more about it. Maybe he thinks you'd like that and said that because he'd also like it but it isn't a deal breaker to him.[/quote]

No I kind of freaked out. I said “are you joking? It’s not 1950.” And then he went on to explain about his dad abandoning them, as if that had anything to do with anything in the present. He basically said it’s really important to him and that’s where we left it.[/quote]

If you're that serious as a couple, get couples counseling. Now, not later; before you move any further toward marriage and kids.

He might need to hear this from a counselor rather than from you, but if he has never gotten therapy (individual) to work through how his dad's abandonment affects him now--he needs to get that therapy for his own sake and for your future's sake, if you and he are heading toward marriage.

He can't merely announce that he expects X of his eventual wife "because my dad did this bad thing to me/mom" and think that's the end of the conversation. That opens the door for "I need X, Y, Z in our relationship/in raising our kids because my dad left us." That may not end with "I need you to be an SAHM," you realize, right? That's why he needs to work on his issues from his past. I too don't see how the abandonment equals demanding a SAH wife either, OP, though maybe it's part of a larger "Happy Perfect Traditional Family" image he's nursing. If that's the case, if he loves you he needs to be self-aware enough to accept that maybe his demand is not realistic or supportive if you want to work.[/quote]

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