Reply to Junior associate at Big Law -- help!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a SAHM to a successful big law attorney.  There's lots of good advice on this thread, much better than I can give.  But I do want to add that DH and I made the choice we did for our individual family, but we consider ourselves feminists and we OFTEN lament that there aren't more women with SAH husbands in big law.  Or even women with husbands who work  very part-time and take on the brunt of the work at home like a SAH parent would.  They just don't exist.  And it sucks.  It sucks for women everywhere.  SAHMs are not going away.  What big law needs is more SAHDs.

So, without knowing anything about your personal situation, I would consider discussing it as an option with your DH, if he is so inclined.  It makes a world of difference to have one spouse who takes care of everything else and one spouse who can focus on work.  It makes the big law job really not so crazy.[/quote]

No, what big law needs are more senior partners and decision-makers who are involved in the daily grind in their house and have actual daily responsibilities for their home and children.  It's amazing how much inefficiency and self-generated crisis exist in big firms.[/quote]

PP here.  DH is involved in the daily grind and has actual daily responsibilities.  He's also at an extremely family-friendly firm.  I find it so offensive when people assume you can't be a higher-up unless you sacrifice your entire family life.

BUT if a work emergency comes up, if he needs to travel, if a call runs late - not a big deal.  Things run just as smoothly in that situation.

Women need husbands who support their jobs the way men have women who support their jobs.  [/quote]

I disagree.  Women and men need to be treated as equals.  I don't want my DH to have to stay home to support my career.  I want him to have his own professional fulfillment.  For me, the best world would be one where work women and men are both supported as parents and employees.  The alternative--make a spouse stay home--will strongly favor men's careers, and again does not permit both partners professional fulfillment, and will always be a race to the bottom of who is willing to put in the longest hours and disregard their personal life the most.

While your arrangement may be the best for your family, it is not one that supports the fight of women like me that are trying to succeed in BigLaw...and your suggestion of just have your husband stay home doesn't solve the problem.

Finally, I have a bit of axe to grind with these posts of "BigLaw wives."  If you aren't in the trenches day-to-day, you just don't really know what it is like.  I feel a lot of sympathy for OP because I have been where OP is at.[/quote]

I was a big law attorney, dh is a surgeon.  I have seen zero people successfully juggle two  hours intensive careers without one spouse downsizing their career or the parents  outsourcing tbe childcare almost entirely.  I have seen many men take the less demanding job or  stay home.  Having two parents work 60 hours plus a week is not compatible with a positive environment for kids.[/quote]

I am the PP above.  Yes I agree it is not compatible with a positive environment for kids.  But what I think would be ideal is a work culture that supports 2 parents working more manageable schedules.  It may not happen but that is where I think our culture should aspire, not forcing one person--male or female--to stay home.   My dream is not for my husband to have to put his career aspirations aside so I can survive professionally (although ultimately we have to do that, but I wouldn't call that what women should aspire to).[/quote]

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