Reply to Refusal to change your last name makes me question your committment!!

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Reply to "Refusal to change your last name makes me question your committment!!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, I missed where these traditions are codified. Can you point me to them? Wait! They're not! As the PP said, traditions can be shed, reshaped or created to fit your family! Whew! Good thing!

I think the PP's point related to hypocrisy than reshaping traditions.  For example, I think that if the OP expected her man to get down on one knee, ask her father for permission to ask for her hand, etc. because it was "tradition" to do so it she would need to be open to him asking her to take her name because it was "traditional" as well.

Now, the next series of poster are going to say that a name-change is more invasive than getting down on one knee.  True.

However, then the discussion focuses on how much effort is need to follow a tradition, not how important the tradition is to each person.  If he does not feel like he is married to someone who will not share his name then it may be time for each person to find someone new.  [/quote]

You're missing (or purposely ignoring) the fact that he told her in the past that this wasn't important to him, until all of a sudden it was brought up as an ultimatum.  It's perfectly reasonable to say "you picked a traditional guy who said these things were important to him, now you have to compromise with his values" but what's happening here seems to be more of a power play simply for the sake of exerting power -- he has told her in the past this is not important to him, he knows it is important to her, but he's making it his line in the sand for no apparent reason.

There are definitely traditional people who hold these values near and dear, and while I wouldn't marry one I recognize that their beliefs are sincere and the people who marry/date them should engage with them respectfully and compromise where appropriate.  OP's fiance is demonstrably not one of those people, he's just manipulating her either (1) to set her up for a lifetime of them as a couple doing whatever he wants, regardless of his reasoning, her beliefs, or how it affects her, or (2) to get out of a marriage he's not interested in going through with.[/quote]

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