Reply to I was raised in a Duggar like family. AMA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you sexual at all? Are you heterosexual? Gay? Have you thought about it?[/quote]

My sexual self / identity is something that I absolutely ignored until my late twenties / early thirties. I still try to not think of myself as a sexual person as it still feels wrong on some level although I do masturbate at times, more because I think I should to maintain some connection to sexuality then because I really need to. Also since I can't / won't do anything to change my situation, there is no point spending time being upset about it.

It is something I still wrestle with a lot, if I let myself think about it. I have had friends ask me if I am gay. It isn't a place I can even go to in my mind. If I explored that and found out I was gay, I would lose my immediate family. It would devastate my parents and I don't know if they would recover. I would lose my siblings and nieces and nephews.

I kind of had to make peace with just not being able to be a sexual person. I have thought about just going out and having sex and dealing with guilt / shame afterwards but I don't think I would enjoy it or have a good time as my mind would be all over the place.

I figure its kind of like being a nun! You make sacrifices in order to have other things.

I am very good at compartamentalizing and at suppression. Those skills allow me to live a happy life.[/quote]

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