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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What I get from this is:

What the H did is possibly forgivable if he makes good money and the W doesn't want to give up her lifestyle.

What the OW did isn't forgive able and anything that happens to her is just, even if it means losing her child to the vengeful W.

The LC isn't a real child like the W's children. The LC doesn't deserve CS, attention, or a relationship with siblings.[/quote]

It's hard to understand this unless you're in the middle of it. It's not that what the H did is forgivable, but the calculus comes down to this, assuming he is repentant and wants to stay: he's the only father your children have, and he may be a jerk but he's your jerk. The OW is equally guilty but she's nothing to you so there is no impetus to be charitable toward her.  I don't want her child so there's no threat, to her, of losing it.  The LC is of course a real child, but again, the calculus comes down to this: money and time is a zero-sum game.  The more time and money goes to the LC, the less is left for your children.  Whenever your husband diverts time and resources to the other child, you have to fill the gap left with your own children.  So when given a choice between someone else's child and your own, you choose and advocate for your own.  It's a horrible situation and none of the choices are very pretty, including the choice to leave - if you divorced DH and left, you'd still traumatize your children, lose money, and STILL [b]expose your children to the love-child[/b] and possibly OW.  It is what it is. A menu of very unattractive choices. [/quote]

Shouldn't your children be [i]exposed[/i]to their brother or sister? I'd resent my mom terribly if she deprived me of an opportunity to get to know a half-sibling.[/quote]

It has to be up to the kids. My kids are in this situation and want nothing to do with the affair child.  They are both in counseling and both counselors have said this should be up to them to decide. They may change their minds in the future.  You aren't in this situation.  My son says that if he met the kid he would just be a constant reminder of his family breaking up.  [/quote]

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