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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh my!  This post has taken off.

DH is going by himself for the weekend.  Yes, we both assume it will be big (and BIL is not paying for it -- my MIL/FIL are -- who have no big problems with me and just visited us a couple months ago but they are now mad at me because now they think I'm creating a fight between their sons and they really want DH there who they were afraid was going to miss it and don't understand why I can't just "shut-up" -- their actual words and they won't hear that I did NOT say anything-- they think DH didn't need an invitation or to RSVP or don't understand why I would fly with two full-priced kids for one weekend).  DH has also decided he will go to our niece's bat mitzvah next year but that he will not invite his brother to any more of our family events (although that won't last because my MIL/FIL will be very upset for the same reason an will probably only be okay with us excluding BIL's family but our girls are young so I'm hoping this is resolved).  So, basically both of us are feeling pretty shitty and don't want to be married at this moment.

I'm not going to pretend like my MIL/FIL and I get along great but we are cordial and they would never play that "DH and I are going to grab beers and a streak and we don't have an extra car (SIL was going out with her friends) but you can walk around the neighborhood or hang out at home" like my BIL did the ONE time I visited.  I thought it was the right thing to do to be like "no way am I putting myself in that position EVER again but you had a fabulous time so you should feel free to visit whenever you want.". It seemed mature but hindsight is 20/20.

So those speculations about it being small or not having money for me don't make sense.  And we've know about the bar mitzvah for over a year -- MIL/FIL told me and BIL had talked about it a lot with DH -- he clearly wasn't going to send an invitation but he definitely invited DH  -- and BIL already told DH the date for the bat mitzvah in an email that ONLY says that (as in "We just reserved the venue for Becca's bat mitzvah bash on Oct. 27 2018").

What does make sense -- 1.  Yes, I resent my husband for these trips.  They are expensive and annoying and his brother had never -- literally not once -- visited us in DC and we find out about his often trips to his in-laws in NY through Facebook, have asked him to visit, and he has said that he doesn't have time or money.  When we then point out that we don't have money to visit him, he tells us that FIL will pay (which he would but it's not the point and FIL would pay for his trips too but since he's already flying to NY, he says he can't do DC).  I guess I resent them more now but hindsight is 20/20 and if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have put up with this.

2.  Yee, I'm not that Jewish.  I mean, I was raised Jewish but my mom isn't and it's probably true that they don't consider me a "real" Jew but they are not orthodox so that sounds crazy to me.  But again, hindsight is 20/20 so it could have been something but they never said anything to us and we do belong to a synogouge and I swear that my life would have been so much better if they just said something TEN years ago.

3.  Yes, my BIl has never said anything "specific" but yes there were the silliest little comments made to me from[b] MIL/FIL like how BIL thought it was gross that I breastfed (FIL told DH who told me) or that I was inappropriate for bringing our newborn baby to my MIL's mother's funeral (MIL was fine but said to DH that BIL was upset).[/b]  He was irked about our wedding day (said it was inconvenient).  Or sometimes BIL says to DH that DH doesn't seem "happy" now that he's  married (he IS happy). But NONE of these things were ever said to me and none of these things were ever "big" and all of there things happened WAY after he met me when DH and I were dating and snubbed me.  He kind of ignored me when he met me and DH kept trying to steer the conversation to us (it was right before we got engaged so we were quite serious).

4.  Yes, we need to go to counseling.  I'm not going to bring it up now because we are both in a pretty shitty situation -- he's sleeping on the sofa and we are barely speaking.  I've lost a lot of respect for him and he doesn't understand why I'm being "so sensitive" and why I didn't work harder at making things work with his brother 10 years ago and feels like I made my own bed.  But post- bar mitzvah weekend when we calm down and get a weekend APART (yes, I am actually HAPPY about it now), I will bring it up.

5.  Yes, I am being dramatic and full of self-pity and not taking this well.  And it's probably why I am not sharing any of it with my own friends or family because I am embarrassed of my behavior and only with DCUM.  I just had a lot dumped on me and am trying to have perspective and "go high".[/quote]

Now  understand BIL's it's not all about you comment. You are one of those aren't you OP. [b]Your newborn was screaming her head off and instead of taking her out you insisted on sitting through the service and just whipped your boobs out in front of the rabbi.[/b][/quote]

What the f*ck are you talking about? [/quote]

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